Partner keeps cancelling dates

[Joey699]

Just to prefix this, I am a man looking for relationship advice

Im 54 and have been seeing a 51 year old woman for over a year, we don’t live together and used see each other most weekends ( both of us work full time)

Recently she has been cancelling our plans/ dates at the last minute or the day before, sometimes for valid reasons,other times seem a bit thin

couple of weeks back she cancelled our Friday night plans as she has to catch up on work ( fair enough), but on Saturday she was out with her girlfriends

this weekend today has been cancelled as she is not well ( fair enough), but there is pattern of late cancellations , I think we have seen each other once in the last month

I know that life gets in the way, and we both have our own lives, but I get the feeling I’m getting phased out.

I think your instincts are probably right OP. I'm really sorry.

You could just stop contacting her and see if she makes an effort to see you. Or have a honest discussion.

Best of luck to you

I think if you’ve been seeing each other for over a year there should be a level of putting the relationship first, obviously if she’s ill etc that’s different.

It does depend what it is supposed to be though, is it supposed to be just casual or are you in a relationship, are you both on the same page?

I think you need to have a chat and explain you feelings on it, if you are supposed to be in a relationship and she’s doing this then either she’s not as invested or she’s become complacent.

Yes, she's phasing you out and waiting for you to end it. Just stop contacting her and see what happens. Distract yourself with friends and family meantime.

Maybe put the ball in her court to choose a time/place for the next date so you know it’s a convenient time for her and not something she agreed to hoping it would work out when it wasn’t ideal.

Perhaps say something like “I’m free on Tuesday or Friday evening next week or during the day on Sunday, let me know when works for you to meet up as I’d really like to see you”.

I hope she’s just busy and it works itself out!

Honestly I think you are right about being phased out. For whatever reason, she is no longer keen to spend time with you. You can either attempt an honest conversation about that, or just move on - truthfully moving on is probably the better option, but do it properly and let her know you are drawing a line under it now.

Grow a pair.

yes, about 20 miles or so

Thank for your the response
we met online and it was just casual to begin with but is (was) definitely more serious now , we have been talking about future plans etc

Of what , Tomatoes ?

Cancelling regularly is just excuses, don't put up with it, she's not that interested.

If you’ve been talking about future plans then it seems she is showing lack of commitment here by not prioritising the relationship.

I would have a chat to her to see what’s going on.

If it were me I wouldn’t make the next suggestion to meet up, but wait for her to instigate. If a few weeks go by then you probably have your answer and can graciously say: “We’ve not met up in six weeks, so am guessing that this relationship may have run its course. I wish you all the best.” Better than having to ask outright if things are at an end and preserves a bit of dignity.

If she's cancelling on you but going out with friends I think that says it all really.

You should never have to question where you stand especially after a year of dating.

I think best thing to do is have it out with her.

I think you're probably right, OP. It's a shame that a woman in her 50s who's been seeing you for a year isn't mature enough to just have the conversation instead of doing it like this.

Yeah I thought that was fairly rude and sexist. Good response!

How rude and sexist.

She is being cowardly and trying to avoid the 'unpleasantness' of telling you face to face that the relationship is over.

I think it is poor form after seeing someone for than a year, and if I were you I would simply stop contacting her and concentrate on finding someone else.

Sad that a mature woman in her 50s is behaving this way.

Did you mean to be so rude?

Thank you for the great advice 👍

No worries, hope it works out for you the way that you want and sorry if it doesn’t. Onwards and upwards and all that!