AIBU to ask what time we’re leaving in laws house?

[EllieP45]

DP has flipped at me because I asked what time we would be leaving mother in laws.
We are going there today , in his words for a couple hours and we have a 2 year old and 7 year old. I asked because of 2 year olds bedtime. I didn’t once imply I wanted to leave short or anything.
He was being causal about it, I wanted to know if we’re staying for dinner too but that was unreasonable for me to ask aparently, and he couldn’t believe I was being so ‘formal’
AIBU to want to know??

Shouted and bickered with me over it

I asked the question and got shouted at and spoken to like an idiot for asking?
I still want to go but hate the tension beforehand now.

He is weird. If just a 7 yesr old then meh if for planning. But a 2 year old often needs planning for how many nappies, snacks etc to take with you, whether to take PJs to change into before driving home etc so perfectly reasonable to ask what the plans were.

Even without kids now we would say what time are we planning on leaving and it not be an issue.

Mmm I am guessing IL’s are perhaps very casual and laid back and you are more formal and organised as you often have to be with little ones. If you leave late you can’t just conjure up a meal out of the air whilst dealing with an over tired youngster so obviously you want to know and plan ahead.

He sounds like he is maybe much more like them and perhaps defensive or embarrassed possibly.

Stop asking and tell him "we need to leave by 5 to have dinner, bath and bed." Job done. At 4 tell MIL you'll be keaving in an hour for dinner bath and bed to give her time to say she was intending on making dinner.

Hi OP. Going purely by what you've written on this thread, no you are not being unreasonable. Does your DP not understand how 2 year olds work? If not then why not? And if this is the case, perhaps now would be a good opportunity for him to learn. Then he may understand why you asked.

I would have phrased it differently. ‘What time are we leaving‘ implies you can’t wait to get out of there. It would be better to say ‘do we need to get anything out for dinner/shall we take toys for the kids to play with?’

I don't think your question was particularly unreasonable, but even an unreasonable question shouldn't warrant being shouted at

Let him take the DC and you stay at home

But he told you that it was for a couple of hours so I would pack and prepare for three hours (or four hours if you often tend to stay later). Assuming he is the father of your children, surely in the many years you’ve been together you have an idea of what he means when says a couple of hours.

Why did you ask?
I would have said we need to leave by x time.
Being shouted at. Tell him to go on his own with the kids. You have a day at home.

Let him go with the kids. Tell him not to shout at you.

That is not a normal response to a very normal question.
2 year olds have routines.
Of course you need to know if you are having dinner or need to plan for it later.

He sounds awful. Is this unusual or a pattern?
If it's a pattern, it is absolutely abusive and toxic for your children to be around.
Tell him to take the children on his own.