What's the solution to this problem?

[chatenoire]

My DH and I have no "pocket money" we simply just use the credit cards and pay it when it's due. Both our incomes go into a joint account and it's split into different pots/payments each month. We don't have separate pots for a couple of reasons, but mainly because I personally don't need it, and he abused our joint finances for a few years, and that was the only way to prevent it from happening again.

Normally there's no real issue, until there's a birthday present to buy as he feels he's spending "my money" I make almost 3x his salary.

He feels bad because he doesn't feel like he's buying a present with HIS money. I try to reassure him it doesn't really matter, but he seems a bit heart broken about it.

bump

I have to have my own spending money to feel like a person and have some autonomy.

He could pay 1/3 of the bills and other costs and then keep the rest of his wages in his own account.

In the light of his financial abuse for years, I would see his crocodile tears now completely differently.

If you really want to stay in the relationship and the only issue is buying presents for each other, then pay yourselves £50 a month or similar into your own accounts. I doubt he'll be spending £600 a year on you.

Oh tell him to do one.

If he's short then tell him it's just karma coming to bite him on the backside for financially abusing you in the past.

Well the presents I'd like are north of £2k

x

Either you buy the £2k gift for yourself or he does out of the same pot of money. If he's angling to be given more financial freedom then I guess it's about how much you trust him not to abuse the finances again. I hardly think the present once or twice a year is what's motivating this line of conversation.

Tell him to get a Saturday job or wash the neighbours cars / mow lawns.

Honestly he / you both sound very immature, but on the plus side you seem to not have many troubles in your lives if this issue is the worse one.

I've told him it should come from the joint pot, but he still thinks it doesn't come from him .

I think that understanding a bit more about his financial abuse would help to clarify what is going on here.

I would not be happy having my own money. We have a 'household' account for join expenses and kept anything else separate but then we earn roughly the same and have no join children

Your mileage may vary.

He gambled away between £15k-£20k over years. We have 4 DC between us (one is joint), one is mine, two are his.

There is no automatic entitlement to staying the house if you are primary carer to children, even if married. There is even less chance if not married. Equally there is no requirement to own rather than rent.

she’s entitled to 50% of equity as joint tenants ownership plus any child maintenance if circumstances apply.

he will likely be successful in getting an order for sale but will spend £ to do so