Hand hold - he has another woman - practical advise

[Wills]

So I'm in agony of course. my whole world has crumbled. I've got to go through this. Tips on how to distract myself? Books seems to all end up having love or divorce stuff. I've just got to get through this.

I’m sorry you’re going through this it’s awful. I don’t think you can distract yourself. I found reading about affair recovery the best solution. A book that was recommended on here called ‘not just friends’ was really good for understanding how it happened so I could make sense of it. I’d say it took one full year for me to come to terms with it. Also watching a series called ‘Wilderness’ on Amazon prime was good.

My ex partner recently left me for another woman when our baby was a few days old so I know how you feel and it’s utterly heart wrenching.

My advice would be to try not to go down the rabbit hole of knowing too much about her, keep yourself away and don’t hurt your heart deliberately by comparing yourself to her.

Reach out to old friends or those you’ve lost touch with a bit. I had so many people want to reach out to me when I went through it and it was honestly so nice - you can then arrange to meet up with them and have plans and distractions. Do not feel bad for leaning on friends and/or family - they want to be there for you and help.

Start a new hobby, meet new people and get out there. Do not get into the habit of staying home, not getting up, showered, makeup on and hair done - it makes the world of difference.

Set up an online dating profile, even if not seriously looking to get into something, it gives you people to chat to and a little attention so you can feel better about yourself and start to realise there’s a future for you once this pain begins to pass.

Take it a minute, an hour, a day at a time

Would TV help you zone out? Breaking Bad is not at all about love, no divorce, and thoroughly gripping (plus funny too). Other addictive shows include Happy Valley, The Wire, Schitts Creek, Stranger Things, Game of Thrones.

It is minute by minute isn't it! And thank you for the heads up for about not asking about her. I started doing just that. It's awful!

Delete social media apps from your phone.

Plan your evenings. These often feel the worst.

Redecorate/rearrange your house. This is great for the mind.

Don't underestimate the impact that this could have on your confidence in work/professionally. Be wary of that.

Don't eat or drink crap for comfort. It's not comfort and you'll regret it by the end of the year. It's not worth it.

Remember that this too shall pass. It always does eventually. X

Seen GoT and Happy Valley. Breaking bad was his favourite

Accept that whatever you do with yourself for a while you're going to feel pretty bad, so you might as well be doing something productive until it passes. Go on long walks in nature listening to podcasts that have nothing to do with relationships. Excercise for endorphins, release of pent up energy and to help you sleep. Have a clear out, decorate a room, do the garden. Doesn't matter as long as its physical and gives you an outcome that you'll appreciate when you're able to take an interest in things again.

Choose your music carefully - it can really alter your tempo. I randomly started to listen to a lot of the Prodigy as it wasn’t “us” , didn’t make me cry and has a slightly ballsy aggressive edge. Also good for raising your energy . Keep your head high - it WILL be ok x

I did couch to 5k, joined a mindfulness group online and avoided all forms of entertainment that mentioned love or affairs, which was some feat as they feature in almost every storyline out there. In time started therapy with a therapist that specializes in relationship breakdown due to use of escorts and porn. I'm sorry you're in the same boat OP, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

If you’re looking for a book try Be happy get divorced by Helen thorn. Sorry you’re going through this

Yes my biggest regret is asking about when/where they’d met and been and how it became an affair. All just fuel for my nightmares now - the less you know the less can haunt you.

I promise you will show more strength than you knew you possessed and you’ll come out of the other side of this. I am four months down the line and I am actually happier than I was before and I would never ever have expected it.

I’m sorry OP. A good long walk with headphones in. Drown out the world, away from the home and let your thought take you elsewhere. I find audiobooks good for at bedtime. Meet with friends, family and take some time on your own to gather your thoughts. You’ll be going through the mill just now but take care of yourself.

Thankyou need this

A friend has recommended soo have bought on audible

Ok, was supposed to see Bryan Adam’s last night. Was the soundtrack to us first living together. He went with our 2nd.

Lol Prodigy 'No good' is an excellent track, good to runt too. I have insomnia at the moment - health reasons - but also, blocking out issues during covid times to sleep I can recommend podcasts on BBC sounds. Infinite monkey cage - something about Brian Cox's Oldham soft tones lulls to sleep - never fails. If history is of interest 'you're dead to me' is good and soft chat that lulls to sleep while learning stuff at the same time. I like Russel Kane's 'Evil Genious' - very funny, but a tad up tempo and can end up focusing on it rather than sleeping ( funny though).
You can listen to advice about divorce etc, but for peace of mind, better to destract with other subjects, let a solicitor deal while you move on as best you can.