What are womans goals these days?

[credam]

Context: I'm a 32-year-old Chilean who moved back in with my parents for work reasons. I think I'm good-looking (a bit overweight now haha), I don't drink or smoke, I have a supportive family, good friends, and I work 12 hours a day on my own company (which is starting to make money).

What do women want these days? I've been dating a smart, beautiful, funny, and loyal woman since 2020. She's 30 years old and works at a very important tech company.

My relationship has had some "difficulties" sometimes, because we have different views on life. I love to work, be with my friends (in a healthy way, I don't even drink anymore) and I have goals.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have any goals besides being with me. She doesn't want to have kids, she doesn't want to advance her career, and she doesn't have her own "social space". In other words, she doesn't have many friends, and she prefers to be alone.

As I said before, I'm 32. I used to live on my own, but I came back to live with my parents because I have a goal in my life: Build my own company (it's working), buy a house, and have a family. And for that, I need to have zero expenses and save as much as I can.

My gf and I are not having a good time right now. We fight all the time about stupid things. She doesn't want to go out with me and my friends, and she can spend the whole Saturday alone doing nothing, but she wants me to do nothing with her too, and I can't. I need to keep working on my goals.

A few months ago, I booked a date to get married next year, because I wanted to propose to her this year. I still don't have the money to buy her a ring, but I thought that by October I would have enough money to buy it. I talked to her brother about my plans, because I wanted him to help me with some wedding details, and one day my gf overheard us and she found out about my plans. She just looked at me like it was a joke and didn't say anything, like she didn't believe what she heard, and that reaction surprised me a lot. Anyway, I didn't talk to her about this anymore, but I kept my plans.

One month ago, we started fighting about everything. If I did something wrong or not the way she wanted; if I wasn't with her as long as she wanted; if I told her to hurry up because we were late for something. As I said, everything.

I asked her a million times what the problem was, and after days of talking, she said that we didn't spend as much time together as she wanted.

She knows my plans, she knows I want to get married, but I need to work for that, and I'm doing it!!! But it seems that being together doing nothing, like under the same roof, is more important to her than me achieving my goals, and she doesn't do anything by herself. I always tell her: you have to have goals where I'm not the main character, but only a supporting role, because in life, if I can't be with you for some reason, you have to be by yourself.
Sometimes she “let me” to work as much as I need but when we have a fight, she uses it as an argument that she is very supported with me, and she is willing to sacrifice her time without me letting me do my things and because of that she gets bored and do nothing.

She doesn't want to have kids, she doesn't want to improve her career, she just wants to go out with me, but right now I can't, because I don't have any money, and I need to focus on my work. She knows my life plans, that I want to get married and be with her, but she insists on spending time together doing nothing!. But I know mine.

She's very smart, beautiful, funny, and very generous with me (money), but lacks social skills (she has friends, but I don't know some of them. She doesn't hang out with them very often) and personal goals. Am I asking too much? She has many things that a lot of guys would want, but I need someone with goals. If she doesn't want to have children (which I do), then focus on something else! I think I'm at the age where I need to build something by myself, before I start sharing it with my partner.

So, I ask you: What do women want these days? Not working, not having children? In my case, not hanging out with friends? Only being with their partner for the rest of their lives, achieving what?

What do you think? Am I lost, crazy, stupid, old-fashioned?

Too many doubts. You shouldn’t be feeling like this about someone you are planning to build a life with. You don’t seem to have good communication with her either.

Build your business. Have a break with your girlfriend or finish it. Doesn’t sound like anything other than a big change is going to help her decide what she wants.

I'd like a yacht

I want one of those potting sheds with shelves for seedlings. If I could have some bunting in there too then I'd have met all my goals.

You want kids, she doesn't. Why are you even considering marriage?

@credam it's very simple- it's because you go out with your friends and not just her. Plan a date night just the two of you every two weeks or so. If she wants a night in accept it. Neither of you is right or wrong, there's no "best" was of doing things.

It seems she's actually told you this but you haven't listened.

Although I do think you just might not be compatible.

Can I ask, why do you want to marry someone who doesn't want kids when you want a family?

Are you just assuming she will change her mind? Which is a very bad idea.

Split up, find someone with similar values and drive in life as you. Her way isn't necessarily wrong, but it's not compatible with how you live. I couldn't be with a drifter either.

This. Basic incompatibility.

In the nicest possible way, people bubbled with completely unsuitable people during the pandemic. Relationships that were doomed staggered on a hit longer because they were basically in captivity, and participants had no other options. You seem to be insisting on linking what you imagine she wants to you making a success of your business, and randomly linking this to a wedding she doesn’t seem keen on, when you haven’t in fact asked her to marry you. There’s no link between these. You want to focus on work, so do that. Stop trying to convince her that you’re working 24/7 in order to give her the wedding ‘she deserves’. You don’t need any money for a wedding. I think ours cost about £200.

Sorry for the title haha. I'm new to the forum world.

Some of you made good points. I posted because I'm confused. Friends, family have opinions. Random people on the internet might not say what I want to hear, but that's what I need.

Why do I have to marry her?? I thought I did, but I learned a lot about her life goals in the past few months.

I don't see my friends much. It's been 2 months since I saw a friend and it avoids problems. I just work hard to meet her expectations. But trying to meet them causes many problems too.

I know she is not wrong. I know the way she sees life is different.

You're with the wrong woman. You want kids, she doesn't. Stop wasting each others time just because she's financially generous.

At late 20s I was working two jobs plus volunteering in two places. It ruined one relationship because he felt inadequate. He worked hard, was buying a house but beyond that just wanted a quiet life, probably suited to your gf tbh. Next guy was similar but accepts my life. His relative chill meant I could do everything I wanted and see him. Someone as busy as me I'd never have seen.

So there isn't one answer. You just need to break up and keep looking

It's good that you're acknowledging that.

Your initial question was worrying. Women are not all the same. Same as men are not all the same. We all have different likes and dislikes, goals and hopes.

Complete strangers on the internet cannot tell you stuff about your own gf that you don't know.

And it doesn't matter what 'women' want. All that matters is what your gf wants and what you want. If they align, happy days. If they don't, you're not compatible. In which ase, for both your sakes, you need to split up.

All different I would hope?

Don't marry her, you want different things in life and fighting means it's a shit relationship. Just keep dating her if you feel the need and if she enhances your life.

I'm blissfully childfree and work part time. I want an ice lolly.

I want a partner who isn't dictating how I should live, isn't obsessed with his oh so important business, and who has a sense of humour and humility. Go figure!

We’re all different! She sounds like a homebody - which is perfectly valid - but you’re not a homebody, so you’re clashing.

me too... but in my case I want a Shetland pony, also a few alpacas, a llama, a baby elephant, at least 10 cats, a husky, a samoyed, a couple of bears and a dinosaur (t rex preferred)
also would like a Nissan gtr, a mcclaren p1 and a spaceship.

won't say no to a really handsome, smart and (this is crucial) not a twat humble man who finds me attractive despite me looking like jubba the hut.

thanks

It doesn’t matter what women want - it matters what you and her want.

I don’t understand why you’d want to marry someone like your gf who is not compatible with you. There are plenty of other women who want kids but to work hard, buy a house and have fun with friends too.

One of your questions is 'Am I asking to much?'
Yes - because you are expecting her to be someone that she isn't.

You are assuming that your needs, wants and goals are more important than hers. They might be more important to you, but they are not more important to her.

But while you're asking I would like a Sheltie and a PA to sort out all the tedious life admin that I can't be arsed with.

Women don't have hive mind 🐝

Which is lucky for men. I was shown round beehives yesterday, and they are brutal, especially to male drone bees.

You are coming across as a workaholic and no woman wants that in a partner.

You seem fixated on multiple plans (work plans, money plans, wife plans, house plans??) but none of them involve discussing it with a future partner. Is she not allowed to have a say regarding joint life goals?

BTW, did you have to be so insulting as to lump all women as the same? We are all individuals with different wants, needs and desires. Try asking, and actually listening, to what hers are.