Health condition

[dillydal]

I've been single for four years and have a 6 year old child. I've dated in the past but nothing that turned into anything serious. My child's dad was abusive and it's taken me a long time to feel comfortable again.

I've recently started seeing someone who is lovely, really caring and kind and funny. For the first time I feel like it might go somewhere. He disclosed to me last week that he has cystic fibrosis. I don't know loads about it but I do know that it's not going away and it is likely progressive.

I don't know what to do and whether it's selfish to bring this into my child's life with this kind of degree of health uncertainty. For what it's worth, you'd have had no idea if he hadn't had told me but that isn't likely to be the case for ever.

Has anyone dated / married someone knowing they have a life long health condition? Or even CF. What would you do?

I haven't personally, but I can tell you my mum's story.
My parents got divorced when I was 9, brother was 6. A year later my mum met someone. Well, she didn't meet him. He was a friend of a friend and they had known each other for years. But they fell in love.
My mum know he had a terminal illness from day 1. And my brother and I were also aware. I don't know how they told my brother. They probably used age-appropriate information. But I remember always knowing that some day my stepdad was going to die. We just didn't know when.

Thing were okay for years. My stepdad and I were always very close. He was and still is one of the most important men in my life. He was a rolemodel and showed me that men can be caring and trustworthy. I owe a lot of who I am today to him. And even though he took a turn for the worse when I was 15, I am so grateful for the years he was in my life.

I won't say it was easy, seeing him get sicker and eventually die. But I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. My mum felt guilty for years for causing my brother and me to lose someone so dear to us at such a young age. Because even though he was my stepdad, I do feel like I have lost a father. But I don't think my mum has anything to feel guilty of. My mum and stepdad gave us years of being loved by someone, which we otherwise never would have experienced.

Loss sucks, grief sucks. Even the years he was still alive and sometimes ill or bedridden, not being able to have friends over any time I wanted, or having to chance plans because of doctors visits, ... I won't pretend that it wasn't hard on us. But I have no regrets.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I felt emotional reading it and the love you had for your step-dad is evident.