How do you deal with loss of affection?

[historicalweaving]

In a long term relationship? You know after the honeymoon period wears off?

I’m with a guy who is difficult, but increasingly I’m wondering if I’m just as difficult. He doesn’t trust me & the affection comes and goes. He naive & small minded, but we’ve been together a long time. No kids.

tbh I don’t know how I don’t just walk away sometimes. He is hard work. What about sunken cost fallacy? Will it get better? I love him so mi h but I don’t know how much more I should take.

This sounds like my ex-husband could’ve written it.
The thing is, though, he was never affectionate towards me — he just blamed me for not being affectionate.
So, @historicalweaving— are you affectionate towards your partner? Does he push you away? If so then fair enough.
But if you’re sitting there waiting for him to come to you while you’re not displaying any affection towards him, I think that’s unfair.
You didn’t say, though - so I’m keeping an open mind.
It’s a sad situation all around, though, isn’t it.

Thank you for understanding.

I find it hard to be affectionate with him when he turns away. I see it as a slight (sp?) on me. So then I accuse him of doing stuff to hurt me. I know I am defensive, but it’s like he provokes it in me. He then accused me of all sorts of things, even past stuff.

lately I’ve tried to offer more affection when I feel like this, and he is better then. But I can’t give all the time. It feels like I’m doing all the work.

I was with a guy for many years who stopped being affectionate. He ended up cheating on me

Thanks @SparklyPinkRobin
well i must admit that’s how I feel. Either he or I will cheat.I’m not a cheat but I wonder if I should look for affection somewhere else.

It’s so tough. I made excuses for his behaviour but when I saw the messages he sent the ow I knew he was capable. He was loving and affectionate with me but then it just stopped

@SparklyPinkRobin I’m sorry you went through that. I don’t know if mine would cheat or if this is more like the beginning of the end. We have ups & downs and when we are up he says what we have is so very strong. That’s true, we are very special to each other, but it doesn’t make him any easier to live with and I feel trapped sometimes. That is my own issue.

horribke feels. Barely slept. So much anxiety

Oh bless you xx it’s so hard and I don’t have the answers xx

PM if you need a friend xx

Thank you xx

He sounds like he might be an avoidant.