Why can't I meet someone normal?

[thecatsarecrazy]

Every man I meet turns out to have issues. Narcissist, drug use etc. Matched with a guy on tinder a couple of weeks ago. No red flags to start with, I didn't get my hopes up just spoke for a few days then met up, had a few drinks chat ect. Then the next day he says there's something wrong with me. I listen to sad music every night on purpose and cry.
Despite this I still spoke to him, agreed to meet again, but he's accused me of being on dates with other men If I'm not active on WhatsApp. I went to bed at half 9 because I wanted to go to the gym at 4am, woke up to messages from him saying I guess your on a date, hope u find happiness take care and blocked. He unblocked me and I said I was in bed, he apologised said he's an idiot. We met Tuesday night and he did my head in totally. Kept taking the piss out of me, laughing at me wanted to go driving after drinking rum. Then said all women are the same haha 😄 obviously I'm totally over it and gave way more chances than I should but this is the standard of men I meet. Last was a coke head who would ask for money, one before was a love bombing narcissist

I got it over all in one last year with a problem-drinking, coke taking (and supplying I suspect) love-bombing , narcissistic, nutjob. He didn't last long either as like you, I have boundaries. All you can do is keep sorting the wheat from the chaff, and yes, there's lots of there. I recommend regular time out from OLD to maintain sanity.

And while I will always agree that the good ones are taken off the market early and quickly and remain taken, what should happen to a woman with good boundaries who is single and looking, is that she will be single until those rare good guys crop up, rather than collecting exes and getting more jaded everyday by dating losers for the sake of dating, ignoring multiple red flags. You can be on dating apps, but you do not need to ignore red flags. You do not need to keep going back if the first date was terrible. And there is a difference, between he is shy and awkward or not much chemistry but respectful 'terrible' and actual red flags terrible.

Excellent advice, @MyPearlAnt. And remember the adage “you’ll never fill your pockets with gold if you keep them crammed with brass”

You could have been quicker to dump, but you got there after the 2nd date, so credit for that, its probably an improvement. Luckily he showed he had issues early on, sometimes it can take a while for the mask to slip.
I remember some joker telling me that, although he drinks now and then, it never makes him drunk, no matter how much he has - my BS monitor on high. Sure enough a few days later he called, having obviously been drinking, overshared some of his life experiences and thoughts about some women - misogynistic to my mind. He got an instant block, sometimes it takes longer than 1 date for it all to come out, he never got a 2nd. I've no doubt I've weeded a lot out at the messaging and phonecall stage. Appraise the profile thoroughly, don't bother with anyone who can't be bothered to fill one in, then get chatting and read between the lines lots, but no longer than 2 weeks until meeting, so there is minimal investment before disappointment.

WOW that's being judgmental. what if the woman was a cheater an alcoholic moved for a job and she left him . remember 80% of divorces are started by women. waht if men her age are dads ? this is such a genralization

I think people like this learn to act a certain way at first and also it takes time to learn who someone is. Im not sure of your age. I am mid 30s and find its hard because decent men capable of being good partners are often taken and married at this point. But the ones with issues like drugs and being generally rubbish are ofcourse available because they are let downs.

So i dont think its a you issue. You are just decent and theres less decent and plenty of scrap heap men. Also dating apps are where lousy people lurk aswel. They have no plans to commit they r just playing games

Because like me youre probably too nice to them..any other woman woukdve just blocked him the first time , but no you still kept going on dates and chatting... block him and move on, youre not in a relationship yet and he is already accusing you of stuff. Total idiot. Run as fast as u can!
But yea i cant tell if theres any normal men left too, i seem to attract all this nonsense too!! And cant get rid of them either! Like leeches

Hang on, the women are usually the ones who are left with raising the children. So they tend to be more balanced. There are some single fathers but it's not usually how it goes.

I am one of the people who tends to ignore red flags but I only realise later (I'm autistic).

One example of this, on our FIRST date, my most recent ex was very keen to over explain to me how hard he had tried to fix his broken marriage with his ex wife by taking her on a nice holiday. This was odd but I ignored it.

6 months later, I found out that the reason they had split up was because he cheated on his wife with a sex worker and then, although she didn't kick him out of the house, they were sleeping in different bedrooms and instead of trying to get her forgiveness, he then started an affair with someone else!

I would like to say I did not get deep into this relationship but I did and now we have a 4 year old child. He stalks me and does everything he can to stop me moving on. I'm pretty sure he also stalks his other exes including his ex wife.

I don't date any more.