You say you have suffered similar childhood, but children in the same home to the same parents can have different experiences so I wouldn't be so sure your childhood was that similar. So his emotional abuse dynamics and environment, how he coped were different to yours. Emotional abuse as you must know can manifest in different forms. I couldn't find the article that I had read on this, it was basically saying how people emerge differently from abuse, some being ultra kind and some as bad as if not worse than their abuser and it's down to many factors but this article was explaining it from attachment theory. I couldn't find it so I used Poe.com AI to help, I hope this is allowed by MumsNet rules:
The relationship between childhood emotional neglect and the development of narcissistic, people-pleasing, or codependent behaviors in adulthood is complex and influenced by various factors. There is no single definitive answer, but research and theories suggest that individual differences in temperament, attachment styles, coping mechanisms, and environmental factors can contribute to these different outcomes.
Here are some potential explanations:
Temperament: Individuals with a more sensitive or introverted temperament might be more prone to people-pleasing or codependent behaviors as a way to cope with emotional neglect. In contrast, those with a more extroverted or assertive temperament might be more likely to develop narcissistic traits.
Attachment styles: Emotional neglect in childhood can lead to insecure attachment styles, which can manifest as either anxious (people-pleasing) or avoidant (narcissistic) behaviors in adulthood.
Coping mechanisms: People-pleasers and codependents tend to use avoidance or accommodation as coping strategies, while narcissists may use more assertive or aggressive strategies to meet their emotional needs.
Environmental factors: The presence or absence of positive role models, social support, and additional stressors can influence the development of these behaviors.
Genetic factors: There is evidence suggesting that personality traits, including narcissism and codependency, have a genetic component. Thus, a person's genetic predisposition might play a role in determining which traits they develop in response to childhood emotional neglect.
There are several studies and articles that discuss the relationship between childhood emotional neglect and the development of narcissistic, people-pleasing, or codependent behaviors. Here are some resources to consider:
"Childhood Emotional Neglect and Adult Attachment: Associations With Parental Verbal and Physical Abuse" by Susan Crockenberg, published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (^www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2008.00052.x)^
"Childhood Emotional Neglect as a Predictor of Adult Attachment Styles and Interpersonal Problems" by Wei-Chung Chen, published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies (^link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-012-9565-0)^
"Childhood Emotional Neglect: A Neglected Component in the Development of Narcissism" by Craig Malkin, published in Psychology Today (^www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/raising-narcissism/201504/childhood-emotional-neglect-neglected-component-the-development)^
"The Role of Childhood Emotional Neglect in the Development of Codependency" by Ross Rosenberg, published in the Codependency Journal (^rossrosenberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/The-Role-of-Childhood-Emotional-Neglect-in-the-Development-of-Codependency.pdf)^
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These resources offer a starting point for understanding the relationship between childhood emotional neglect and the development of narcissistic, people-pleasing, or codependent behaviors. However, more research is needed to fully understand the complex interplay of factors that contribute to these outcomes.