Partner cheating 35 weeks pregnant

[Preggo1234]

Not sure where to start :( looking for some advice and words of wisdom.

I have just found out that my partner (31 M) of 4 years has been emotionally cheating on me whilst I’m 35 weeks pregnant with our first child. Albeit he says that nothing physical has happened, he has been messaging a girl 10 years younger than him from work. I have seen some of the messages as her partner has contacted me with them, it’s general flirty banter and sending each other pictures in the gym. The pictures are topless of my partner, and of the girls bum/boobs. The messages make sexual references to my partner wanting to pin this girl down and them knowing each other like the back of each others hands.

To make matters worse, we all work together. However, since being pregnant I have been working from home so not been in the office as much. Allowing perfect opportunity for them to spend time together. So this girl knew full well I am pregnant with his baby, we’re engaged, have a house, has congratulated me when we found out the gender etc. And to top it off she’s absolutely gorgeous.

I know she hasn’t been in the best relationship as we have talked about it in work and I have told her to leave him. So I can see from her point of view why she would be messaging someone else for a bit of excitement, as from what she described she is in a controlling relationship.

My partner however, I feel has no excuse. He admitted to me that it’s been going on for about a month, and that it was stupid and the only reason he was doing it was for a bit of excitement and as a release. He said that nothing physical has happened and it’s only been messages. Which I do believe.

However, I can’t get over the fact that he has done this to me whilst I’m pregnant with his child. I have known something has been up for this last 2 weeks as his behaviour has changed and he has been on his phone a lot, but I was never close enough to see who he was messaging. I feel like he left alone me in my most vulnerable time and has made me feel unwanted.

He said he feels crushed in the relationship at the moment as he can’t do whatever he wants, as I have asked him to consider me when it comes to spending time together/making plans. As he often just goes to the gym for 2 hours on our day off together, leaving me to wait around for him to be able to do something with him. And if he feels crushed now - what is he going to be like when the reality of a baby comes around?

He swears that he is still attracted to me, loves me and wants to be with me and doesn’t know why he has done this. However, he had cheated on me when we were one year into the relationship as a drunken one off and I took him back.

I feel like if I were to take him back again, he would just see that he could continue this behaviour as there is no consequence for him. However, I do want the family lifestyle.

Just looking for where to go from here really.

so what did i say where i quoted your post??

How incredibly unfortunate that the only two times he has cheated you have caught him…

This man is a baddun and will not make you happy. Kick him to the kerb, apply for CMS, and enjoy your new baby.

And as for him feeling ‘crushed’ does he appreciate that you’re the one literally growing his child inside you?

Flirting with a 21 year old? It's not cricket. Once the trust is gone, it's gone. He's now fooled you twice.

ouch Im so sorry He has done this to you.
His cheating behaviour is a pattern.
I would leave now, before baby arrives because trust me separating when kids are attached is hard. and we all know he will cheat again.
if you both own the house you will either have to sell it or someone will have to pay other party off and he will have to pay you child maint.

You gave him a chance last time he cheated and this is how he is repaying you. Get a STI test. Don't marry him. You will never know a day's peace again. You can't trust him. He doesn't really love you or he wouldn't be treating you like this. Best to end it now but make it clear to him you will be going to CSM as soon as the baby is born. What a plonker is he.

You need an urgent STI screen as you have been having unprotected sex with your boyfriend who is cheating on you, and are pregnant. Tell your midwife as soon as possible. This isn't about whether he's cheating on you, he is a proven cheat, this is about the health of your unborn baby.

Even if you stay with him please be traditional and give your baby your name not your boyfriend's. It is much easier when you spilt up further down the line.

Sorry sweetie but you need to kick him out. You may want the family lifestyle but he doesn't. He prefers to go out on his gym sessions etc. Spending time with you isn't his priority now, it certainly won't be when he's not the focus of your attention because you have a baby to look after. If you stay with him you won't get what you want. He'll cheat again, use any and all excuses. He'll still not prioritise you or baby, you still won't have family life. Phrase shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice comes to mind.

He knew he'd hurt you while you're pregnant and did it anyway. He loves you? Not enough that he wouldn't risk losing you by cheating AGAIN. Go stay with someone who loves you, give birth, recover. I personally wouldn't be issuing any ultimatums, you don't want him not to cheat purely because you have become the controlling partner. If he wanted you he'd have distanced himself from her already.

He’s not husband and father material, you being pregnant is the easy bit. You want the family lifestyle but he doesn’t, his actions show you that.

If you choose stay you’ve got a life time of this ahead of you and it won’t be the family life you dreamt of.

You have an utterly useless partner who would rather get his dick wet with a 21 year old colleague than support you. Disgusting.

He is not going to change, and will probably be more of an emotional drain and hindrance once the baby is born.

He has to quit his job immediately when his baby is due to be born in about a month’s time?
He will have no job and no income unless he can walk into a new job pretty quick…..
Unless the OP and partner have savings then I cannot see this being a viable option.

If he has cheated before and now emotionally cheating again, it seems to me that he is not trustworthy at all. Quitting the job won’t change things as he could still see this girl away from the workplace.

You need to decide OP what is best for you. I understand you want the family lifestyle… but you cannot have this when your partner is not being faithful to you.

on another note, sorry to break it, is he really going to be a father you are imaging this 'family lifestyle' with? or are you going to do lion share of duties while he continues behaving like a single care free bloke? I know being 35 w pregnant is not ideal time to break up but its better now than later on.

However, I do want the family lifestyle.

You won’t have that with this emotionally stunted, low integrity guy, @Preggo1234.

Your ‘Partner’ and colleague have been making an utter mockery of you and your baby. He’s a serial cheat who will always be chasing illicit thrills. He feels ‘crushed’ by your relationship because he wants to have free rein to act single when it suits him.

He’s not monogamous and does not reciprocate your love, respect, loyalty and commitment. Surely it’s game over with this juvenile player. You need your strength and peace of mind to care for yourself and nurture your baby.

First of all I just want to say how sorry I am you're going through all of this and being pregnant with his baby must be absolutely heartbreaking.

His behaviour is disgusting and using your pregnancy as an excuse for being held back or bored, shows what a immature dickhead he is.

It's your life and decision but you have to ask yourself what do you deserve in a relationship and also what will he be like once your baby comes into the world.
I'm guessing even worse.

Crushed? Before the baby is even here? Diddums. OP he's a self absorbed prick.
Unfortunately I was already married to my one of these when I had DD2 and found out he had been cheating the whole way through my pregnancy

His excuse was "he really wanted to still be attracted to me but couldn't be because of all the pregnancy weight". I had a 5 year old and a 5 month old and I kicked him out and never looked back. I've been with my now husband for 7 lovely years, so you can have the family lifestyle, just not with this bellend.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Kick him out, book your STD test and focus on getting ready for your beautiful baby.

I’m sorry, I’m all for reconciling where there is remorse and self reflection but what you have here is a serial cheat who is minimising his actions, taking zero responsibility and who is blame shifting onto you for having ‘needs’.

TBH he sounds like an absolute prince.

This is not a safe relationship for you. He will continue to put your emotional, sexual and mental health at risk. He’s just not worth it.

I really would advise getting rid of this idiot. I doubt he has the emotional intelligence to change.

Activate location sharing 🤣🤣

Hi I’m sorry this happened to you . Same thing happened to me at 35 weeks pregnant and the stress made me Poorly and I went in to labour early . My other half went off the rails few weeks before we had our son and it was really out of Character and then I found out about the unfaithfulness ! He also said he felt trapped . I got over it and to my knowledge 12 years later we’re still tougher and his been the most amazing dad and rock to me since. I hate that he did that to me but I forgave him as I needed him .
men are strange creatures and under stress and do really stupid things .
I hope your pregnancy went well and your ok.

I’m sorry he has 100% had sex with her. The time at the gym and the comments about knowing each other are nothing but. Tell your MW and get an STI test done. Leave him as if he doesn’t his now he’ll do worse when the baby is here.

Try to make your house feel as relaxing as possible, make him do more jobs around the house, forget about leaving him but don’t have sex or be intimate with him. Use him for what you need and then when you’ve recovered you can start to leave but don’t worry about that now as you shouldn’t stress yourself

If he feels 'crushed' now then how is he going to feel when the baby is born and he has another life depending on him? I'd be asking him that and telling him he getter short his shit out fast as he going to be a dad either with or without you.

Of course he never considered that because he expects you to do all the work.

Let me guess, he didn't ask you to marry him before or after you got pregnant right? Usually that tells you all you need to know about a man. Not saying you had to get married but, any decent man doesn't say yes to babies without at least having a marriage discussion with you first. I'd bet that discussion was noticeably missing.

I would not marry this man. Sorry but he isn't trust worthy. End it now whilst you are young enough to start over.