Regret jewellery sold when in bad place

[strawberryeye]

Few years ago oh almost left me. It was a very dark time in my life as I thought we were genuinely happy.
It was after a very long marriage and when I confronted him about a friendship he had with other lady which was beginning to cross the lines. He didn't want to be with me after I confronted him.
We stayed together and sorted it out and it was a few years ago.
Privately I really struggled with what happened very badly and suffered depression so sometimes couldn't face work so a lot of the jewellery expensive stuff I pawned as I was desperate at times and needed time off. I pretended I went into work but my pay was from jewellery I sold that he had given me over years of our relationship.
The jewellery meant nothing at that time as in my mind he deceived me so it was insignificant the stuff he gave me.
Now I look back and I am sad not because I want something expensive but feel like I gave away part of my life with him where he gave me special things. At that time though they meant nothing, I felt it was all fake and I just needed the cash so I could be depressed and not work. Couldn't cope with work some days!
I couldn't tell him as he thought we were ok but I wasn't for a long time and never got myself totally back. We are good now most of time but I am still sad inside as he was my special best friend/person/couple that you would think nothing would go wrong. I'm still surprised sometimes as he is still mates with ow but l just think now if he does again I won't accept it. Just sad.
Can anyone offer me any advice on how not to feel sad about jewellery. I try to think I did what I needed to do at the time to survive mentally. He thinks jewellery just in cupboard with all my other bits but it's all gone😰

Honestly op I think you're probably subconsciously projecting the loss of your previous happy relationship onto material objects and in reality you're not as happy as you think you are now with him
How can you be? He's still 'friends' with the ow, bugger that , how utterly disrespectful

I get what you say and respect that but we are in a much better place and I do wish to stay in relationship not because I'm a mug but because overall I am happy.
Just wish I hadn't got rid of stuff. It's not about what it cost. It's that the items were given at different times during our relationship so I just feel sad as I got rid of them but I needed to at that time.
It is complicated but I am definitely in relationship for long haul so don't want to think too much about anyone else just me and him. I have done alot of work, self help on myself but never will be there as not a confident person but know I am a good person and there for him.

No one will think you're a mug for trying again I just hope he's remorseful
You had to do what you had to do at the time and there's no shame in that .

As for the jewellery , have you tried somewhere like vinted to see if you can buy any of your most favourite bits again ?

I know jewelry can be beautiful and it represents some happy times but you have kept your relationship which is most important to you. He can buy you more jewelry. After my first h cheated on me I gave away the entire jewelry collection he ever bought me. I just knew I could never wear it again. I'd be asking him not to be friends with OW. I'd tell him you sold all of your jewelry because his relationship with OW made you feel so sad. He may not know how much he hurt you.

It sounds as though your OH potentially had an emotional affair, just from the way you describe it. When you say it was beginning to cross lines, what exactly do you mean? Was it you who felt it was beginning to cross a line or did he accept and acknowledge this too? I mean people here can advise you on the jewellery thing and tell you to try to let it go and move in and that happiness isn’t about ‘things’. But if fundamentally your relationship is flawed because your OH had an emotional affair and hasn’t taken responsibility or acknowledged he was in the wrong or how you felt (and he is still friends with the person, rubbing more salt in the wound) then you won’t be able to properly heal and accept you deserve better.

I agree with the first post.

I think if you've made your peace with him having a continued relationship with the OW, then you need to come clean. A good man will understand. Then you should shop together for some jewellery to mark this phase of your lives together.

PS he's allowed to be upset the jewellery is gone so long as he is understanding as to why and isn't angry about it. Berating you would mean for me the relationship is over, as his money spent is seemingly the most important thing to him.

Jewelry is just stuff, material objects. After youre gone it will get passed down untik someone sells it anyway or sold. Gems and diamonds are just rocks from the earth that someone has told us somewhere along history that they are worth something. Go back through your pictures and photographs of happy times, get them printed and framed, they represent the real times you had. Forget you sold them, tell yourself they were lost or stolen, jf they were you woukd be in the same boat as you are now. If you lost everything in a fire then what would you most care about keeping, your lives and photographs, so keep those things safe and see if you can replace any jewelty peices you particuarly liked but it sounds like they werent very wearable anyway if stuffed ina box in the wardrobe.

So he cheated and you almost had a breakdown and sold jewellery to keep you afloat whilst you were too unwell to work?

What sacrifices did he make to help with the financial situation?

My expensive jewellery is insured and kept in a safe when not being worn and my husband would know if anything was missing as he does the insurance paperwork.

How has he not noticed or doesn't he care?

You are mourning the loss of security in your relationship that is represented by your jewellery. Try to make peace with it and do talk it through with your OH so he understands what you went through. I really like the idea of framing your favourite happy pictures and focusing on making new memories in the future. I’m sorry for the pain you went through.

My mum and MIL both link there jewellery to emotional events but I can assure you my dad really didn't.
DH doesn't either. In fact the most expensive bit was purchased mostly by me in a pathetic attempt to link the huge amount of career sacrifice along with emotional and physical effort in giving him kids. We still have the kids. DH, the jeweller and the kids couldn't tell one ring from another.
My mum was going through her jewels and honestly it was meaningless to me and a bit repetative. It all blends into one wedding anniversary, holiday shop.

So, would it help to disconnect jewellery with love. Would photos of you being happy at that time be actually more meaningful?

I totally understand why you sold the jewellery. The reasons you give make sense.

A good life and a good relationship have nothing at all to do with jewellery or any other possessions. There is huge value in a relationship where two people enjoy being with each other and love and care for each other. That is worth more than anything.

If I were you I would feel sad and regretful that life has been hard for you. But jewellery is just a token of love, sometimes not even that (it’s often just for show). Jewellery is not love itself. Forgive yourself.

You are linking previous happy times with those jewellery gifts and mourning both … you need to stop looking back and look forward (jewellery and relationship) and build a new happiness (even if it’s different) and make new memories together if that’s what you want

It's very sad that the jewellery is gone but what's done is done and it was what you needed at the time. I also think it's sad that you couldn't tell your partner how low you were feeling and that you struggled with this alone. It sounds like a very lonely place to be in. I'm glad that you're feeling happier now. You're very tolerant (maybe too much so) to be ok with your partner still being friends with OW. I would not be ok with this! Can you talk to your partner about the jewellery and what was going on for you with not feeling up to working at the time? I think it would do you good, clear the air and no secrets hanging over you.