I need to leave. Looking for practical advice.

[EggyTweet]

So…I need to leave a relationship of 4 years.

I’m not happy. My life feels like a chaos I have no control over and I’m going to sleep far too often with the feeling that it would be a lot easier if I just didn’t wake up in the morning.

Another bust up last night, starting from a silly disagreement about semantics/differing opinion. Ended up with him calling me a lazy bitch who does nothing, and muttering ‘fuck off you fucking cunt’ repeatedly. I slept in the spare room.

What I’m looking for I guess is some practical advice/to vent.
I have no assets, quite a bit of debt, living in London which I definitely can’t afford to do solo (barely affording it now while I’m being subsidised, hence the debt) in my overdraft, on probation at a new job that I don’t particularly love. my family/friends are 300 miles away. I moved to be here with him, and it’s not working out too great.

I just feel like I don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other.

Can you go back Home?

How much notice do you have to give in probation?

Is your name on the rental agreement?

Do you have somewhere to stay in your hometown?

Is work available in your hometown?

I second 'home' as a stop gap. Could you live with parents, set a time limit for a year, get a job there and just rebuild; your confidence, your trust, your faith in your own abilities (because all of this will have taken a beating without you quite even knowing it until you land somewhere peaceful)? And that's the other thing; is home peaceful? Could it be a soft landing for a while?
Therapy is essential. But I would advise first making the necessary moves and taking the necessary steps to start anew... and then you can start in on therapy.

It sounds as if this relationship has run its course.
Do you want to return to live closer to family, is there work there ?
What’s your current rental agreement are you named ?

Pack your stuff and go home.

If she's barely affording to live, I think therapy is an unlikely luxury.

If your name isn’t on the rental I would move back home asap.

Youll have to give up the job but you can find something even if it’s supermarket work etc to bring in some money whilst you decompress, pay off your debt and think about your next steps.

Thank you everyone.

He owns the house, so I’m basically just a glorified lodger.

I think I’m massively frustrated with myself for ending up in this position at 35. I could go home, my parents would have me. I think my job has a one week notice during the probation period, it’s two days in the office in London and I’m trying to think if I should try to come up for those for a few weeks, making myself unemployed doesn’t feel like the right idea when my life is already up shit street.

Could you start applying for jobs near your parents so that at least you have a job you can move to too? Then live with parents until you have enough to fund a place (or house share) of your own.

You're up shit creek anyway so breaking a few more eggs won't make much difference. I would suggest you tackle it all like this -

Rationalise all your belongings: declutter your life and get rid of anything that you wouldn't want to take with you into your next home. (Obviously it will be a little while before you get your next place.)

Speak to your parents about moving back home for a while. Work out the logistics of how you're going to get there. (Do you have a car? How will you get yourself and your stuff back to your parent's house?)

Once you've worked out the logistics, you can set a date for moving out. (asap)

Resign from your job. You've got more important things to take care of at the moment. Also, if you've not been there long, you can just wipe it from your memory and pretend it never happened. Register a claim for UC or whatever benefits your are entitled to.

Go home, regroup, and make a plan for your future.

Good luck!