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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If you were having marriage issues…

35 replies

Tiredofthis888 · 12/06/2024 21:11

Would you spend more time out of the house instead of showing a willingness to try?
I feel like a single parent at the best of times, but since we’re going through a rough patch DH spends more and more time out of the house.
he’s golfed every weekend since the kids were little so 10+ years. For context, he’s out for 8+ hours every Saturday. Regardless of what I have going on, he won’t sacrifice. For example, I get my hair dyed once a year. I have to organise to take the kids to my dads etc.
now since things have been rough, he’s golfing on either a Wednesday or Thursday night. Tonight and the 2 previous Wednesdays he’s got home between 9-10pm.
is it unreasonable to be annoyed at this? I go to exercising twice a week for an hour each time but that’s it. On the odd occasion I have something planned.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 13/06/2024 07:23

This doesn’t sound salvageable. he is doing little parenting and clearly doesn’t respect you.

Would seek legal advice and prepare, by yourself and without telling him, to separate. Get ducks in a row.

In the meantime wouldn’t engage with him much other than things that affect the DC, including parenting when you arrange things for yourself.

Copperoliverbear · 13/06/2024 07:28

The fact that your seven year old is in your bed doesn't help, she doesn't need to be in your bed at seven, she's not a baby, this is probably what he means you have checked out of the marriage.
If you want to save your marriage you need to make your daughter sleep in her own bed and tell your husband you want date night once a month, you also need him to help you more, I think once he is sleeping back in his own bed and you go on date night, you can talk more about what you want from the relationship and how to repair it xxxx

Copperoliverbear · 13/06/2024 07:30

I also see you are in bed when he has come home, why ?
Why are you not downstairs and trying to spend sometime with him and telling him you want to save your marriage but you both have to change.

Carebears100 · 13/06/2024 07:33

Quitelikeit · 12/06/2024 22:24

Would he actually take half of the house? Eurghhh how could you be so foolish 😭😭 is it worth a lot of money?

You should check with a lawyer about the inheritance side as you never know! Tell him you will leave his pension alone or forgo child maintenance

Does he contribute well financially?

How exactly has op been foolish? Are you an expert on financial law, please do tell us how to ensure your inheritance doesn't go to your husband /wife in the event of a divorce so we all know what to do.

Original poster
Tiredofthis888 · 13/06/2024 08:14

I was in bed because it was nearly 10pm. I start work at 7am and get up at 5.30am so no, I won’t be sat downstairs waiting for him to come home to spend time with him. That’s an absolutely mad suggestion in all honesty!
my daughter has ended up in my bed because he chose to sleep on the couch for over 10 weeks, she’s only been getting in with me when it’s the school holidays for a “sleepover” and he’s been then getting in her bed.
maybe I am at a point of not trying but maybe I have had enough of the shit I’ve dealt with for 10+ years. I’ll speak to a solicitor I think and see what my options are. Thanks for your advice.

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 13/06/2024 14:51

Copperoliverbear · 13/06/2024 07:28

The fact that your seven year old is in your bed doesn't help, she doesn't need to be in your bed at seven, she's not a baby, this is probably what he means you have checked out of the marriage.
If you want to save your marriage you need to make your daughter sleep in her own bed and tell your husband you want date night once a month, you also need him to help you more, I think once he is sleeping back in his own bed and you go on date night, you can talk more about what you want from the relationship and how to repair it xxxx

It is not help.

it is not all @Tiredofthis888's job therefore it is not helping her.

It is parenting your child, supporting your wife, cleaning and tidying the house you live in.

Teacherprebaby · 13/06/2024 20:07

Why don't you do what you want when you want and leave the rest to him once in a while? You are ALLOWING this. You have free will.

Teacherprebaby · 13/06/2024 20:11

Yes! Sounding very strong here. You deserve so much better!

Original poster
Tiredofthis888 · 13/06/2024 20:18

I am such a strong person but such a walk over with him. I don’t know why. He turns everything back on me though when we have a discussion. Thanks for all your opinions though. At least I know I’m not being too unreasonable.

OP posts:
Blinds1 · 14/06/2024 07:48

He's a shit selfish husband and father.
Golfing all day Saturday my arse.
How in God's name did you tolerate that.
Definitely see a solicitor.

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