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Original poster

Help - what to call the grandparents?!!

43 replies

Jen99 · 07/04/2008 20:22

Our DS is 13 weeks old and we are having a dilemma deciding what to call the three sets of grandparents we have and it is all a bit delicate!

My parents are still together and are called nanny and grandad - the same as my sisters DCs call them.

DPs mum and dad have both remarried however his dad's wife has been around for a lot longer than they have been married! So consequently relations are somewhat strained between his parents - in fact they have nothing to do with each other. DPs mum also wants to be nanny and has started calling her DH 'pops' DPs dad has asked what him and his wife are to be called and we are really at a loss as we don't feel that his wife should be called anything other than her name. However his dad will not be happy if he finds out that his mum's husband has a 'special' name.

I know this all sounds rather childish but we don't want to upset anyone. It feels like there is a lot of pressure on us over this as DS is the first grandchild.

Anyone got any suggestions on how to deal with this?

OP posts:
TwoFirTreesToday · 08/04/2008 12:30

we have nanna J for the step grandparent, works out fine
She chose it herself, she didnt want to step on any toes but still wanted a nan/gran type name.
My mum was nanny ans DH's is Granny.

Weegle · 08/04/2008 12:59

We have a vaguely similar situation but fortunately the grandparent's are adult enough not to bring it massively to our attention.

My parent's (still together): Granny & Grandpa
DH mum & partner: Granny xxx (but often just Granny) and Grandad xxx
DH dad & wife: Nanny & Pops

We just went with what they signed the birth congrats cards as.

cheesesarnie · 08/04/2008 13:03

we have granny and (now gone)grandad
grandad and wifes nickname
nanny and fiances nickname

children came up with the names themselves with no one saying call them...

LadySanders · 08/04/2008 13:04

my ds1 has 3 sets of grandparents, and to complicate matters further his step-dad has a step-mum (so does she become a step-grandma once removed or something?). i just asked everyone what they wanted to be called. as it happens he calls my parents booba (yiddish) and my dad by his first name, cos dad considers himself (at nearly 70) not old enough to be called grandad.

MrsMattie · 08/04/2008 13:05

My DS calls MIL 'grandma' (PIL is dead, but would have been grandpa), my mum 'granny', my dad 'grandad' and my stepdad by his name.

maisemor · 08/04/2008 13:07

See it is much easier in Danish directly translated it is mormor = mum's mum and morfar = mum's dad (for the mother's parents), farmor = dad's mum and farfar = dad's dad (for the father's parents).

Not that that is going to help your dilemma.

However, I do think that asking them would definately be the easiest for everyone route to take.

skidoodle · 08/04/2008 13:09

@wanderingtrolley

"Seanathair & Daideo (Irish) - this is Grandfather and Grandad"

Daideo & Mamo = Grandad and Granny (this is what we have for my parents)

We're not sure what my Mamo will be called by my DD.

Seanathair & Seanmhathair would be Grandfather & Grandmother, i.e. very formal. Literally translated it is Old Father and Old Mother. People might not like that so much

Jen,

Whatever has gone on in the past with your DH's parents and your FIL's wife I think you should seriously consider not making an issue of not allowing her to be called something grandparently.

As far as your LO is concerned she is just one more person in the world to love him and if she'd like to be called Granny, or something similar, you'd probably make life a lot more pleasant and less complicated for everybody if you just let it go and welcomed her into your DS's life as much as you (and DH) can bear.

As long as she doesn't use a name being used by either of the other Grannies, does it really hurt anyone at all to let her pick such a name?

skidoodle · 08/04/2008 13:10

ps LOL @ GrandMary

that's so awful and so brilliant all at once.

toomanyshoes · 08/04/2008 13:13

My mum and step dad are Grandma and PaPa (she couldn't pronounce grandpa when she was tiny and it stuck)

My dad is pink grandad, DH's dad is brown Grandad (dc's are mixed raced BTW!) and their wives are just their first names. My dads wife was on the scene before my parents split and just didn't feel she should have the same Grandmother status as my mum. My dad accepted this, knows better than to challenge it i think! I love my step dad dearly and he is like another dad to me so wanted him to have Grandad status!

DH's mum is Nana because thats what SIL's kids call her.

I think you should be straight with your dad and explain you'd prefer his wife to be known by her name. you might offend him but he will get over it and its not like you are saying they can't see your DS or anything.

BonkersHonkers · 08/04/2008 13:21

I agree with Skidoodle. Assuming that you get along fine with this woman and have no problem with ds having a good relationship with her, let be called whatever she wants (within reason of course ).

Life is too short to worry over such things and it will certainly be a long time before your ds realises that this lady is not actually his biological grandparent, and by then it won't matter.
How many people grew up calling their mum's friends Aunty Linda or Aunty Susan...etc..etc...?

Having said all that - we really don't get on with my in-laws and they have always called themselves by their first names to my dd. We have never had the guts to raise it with them, but I hate it. We've got Julie, Daddy's Mummy and Steve, Daddy's Daddy.
How ridiculous. Makes my blood boil if I think about it too much really.

Original poster
Jen99 · 08/04/2008 20:15

Thanks for all your ideas. I know DS will probably make up his own names but for the time being we still need to call them something. DP is going to speak to his dad again and ask him to tell him what he wants them to be called. We do have reasonably good relations with them if a bit strained at times but I don't want DS to pick up on this.

Will let you know what is decided - what a minefield!!

OP posts:
BarcodeZebra · 08/04/2008 22:15

Skidoodle: glad to provide a giggle. I love my Mum but she is ludicrous at times.

SoMuchToBits · 08/04/2008 22:20

We have Granny and Grandad (PILs) and Grandma and Grandpa (my Ps), but you don't have to have a name like that at all.

My grandmothers were Grandma for one, but the other didn't want a Granny -type name, so she was always known as Kiki (her real name was Edith). And a neighbour had a granny who was known as Tigger.

CowsGoMoo · 08/04/2008 23:33

My mum and dad are Nana and Grandad

Dh's parents are Grandma and Grandpa

Dh's mother is French and wanted my dc's to call her and FIL Mamy and Papy....

er no way, Mamy is way to close in sounding to mummy and I wasnt having my ds call her mummy by mistake so I chose their names! FIL hates Grandpa with avengance! he he!

We do call DH's French grandad Papy though as it sounds cute.

PillockOfTheCommunity · 08/04/2008 23:37

we had a similar problem, ds1 has Grandma & Grandad on Daddy's side.

my parents are seperated and my mum remarried. I refused to call him Grandad, so we have Grandad Dingles (my dad), then Gran Fran and Graham.

Califrau · 09/04/2008 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

surprise · 09/04/2008 19:11

A friend of mine called her great-grandmother TwoNanny, which I always thought qutie sweet.

ellideb · 09/04/2008 19:32

Nain and Taid
Gran and grandpa
Nanna and papa

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