I have been with DH for 20 years. Since the children were born, 15 years ago, our sex life has been pretty much non-existent (maybe a couple of times a year, on weekends away, instigated by me). There is virtually no other physical intimacy. Before then, sex was ok (although I was always more bothered) and there was a lot of cuddling, holding hands etc. MIL has told me, in amongst the other issues with her marriage to DH’s father, that ‘there was no sex after the children were born’ so this could be a learned or inherited pattern.
I’ve always just assumed he has a low sex drive, and that as some women go off it after having kids, so do some men. However. We’ve recently become friends with a gay couple and have spent 3 evenings with them over the last 18 months. The first meeting, I felt a bit excluded from the conversation by my husband, as in, he was more interested in them than me. Not really an issue. He’s fairly unsociable and works from home so I am pleased when he clicks with others. The second time was similar. The last time, a week ago, I felt sure he was flirting with one of them. Not in an outrageous way - I just got the spidey sense something was there.
We have an otherwise good marriage and I’m keen to stay in it. I am massively struggling with the lack of intimacy though. Does anyone have any insight into what might be going on with him, or the likelihood he might be attracted to men? Other relevant fact: we met when he was 27 and although he had had sex with a couple of other women I was essentially his first girlfriend.