I think he has ptsd

[EVIEeeee]

Boyfriend had a lousy dad who cheated on his mum and came and went.

He got married at 20. She was abusive. His adult children confirm this as they were also dragged about and have grown up with trauma. He was with this woman 9 years and she punched him, cheated, threw him out and the dog. Then when they split up she used the kids as weapons until gradually he didnt see them.

He was then jumped a few years later when he came out of work. Locked up the shop he was manager off. He was with his brother and 6 lads decided to use baseball bats on them. His brother got away for help but he was found unconscious. He has metal un his hand.

A few years later a car crash left him in a coma for 3 months.

He has had 2 more relationships for 4 and 9 years after the wife. 4 year one she cheated. Second one it doesnt sound at all like she was an issue. Hes never slated her. They are still friends. But he became an alcoholic due in that relationship and he was reckless. He lost his mum and stuff spiralled.

We got together in 2019 and i have never been able to put my finger on him. Hes lovely caring and so sweet. He hasnt drank for 6 years. But he is always so sad and he gets very fixated on the past. He cant let go of anything. Hes unable to look forward.

He has realised in recent weeks hes loosing me because its too hard. We had a big argument yesterday and he was awake all night. He admitted this morning i had made him cry and he went to see his daughter amd they talked and he realised he needs someone to diagnose or look into him. Hes been told before he needs grief councilling. He said for the first time today he feels its affecting me and he feels sorry for me. He also said he feels it has affected our relationship. Hes asked me to ask me to support him and go to the drs and hes wrote down triggers today. He has every symptom of ptsd. I feel like the penny has dropped for me Because it doesnt feel like narcissm or any sort of mood disorder.

This is all trauma and the past and unhealthy thought patterns and hes stuck.

Has anyone got any experience.

The right therapy will help, I’m sure, but it’s a long road. My late husband suffered PTSD in the forces, long before we met. He had several years of therapy and although there were still some triggers 20 years after the original event ( it was one huge thing) we developed ways to diffuse if that’s the right word. Please talk to him about therapy/ counselling. You could talk to one of the forces charities, they’re experts in PTSD.

Just googled and there’s a specific PTSD charity https://www.ptsduk.org/
If you Google help for ptsd lots of sites come up.
I hope everything works out for you both.

Thank you i will look. Im sorry to hear your ex had this.

I have found the relationship very confusing because he does seem to be allover the place and yet he has always stuck to hes in love with me and he always says he is genuinely frightned of loosing me. He says everyone whos ever loved him leaves him. He has a very heavy heart. But then when normal issues arrive with us, like no sex for months or hes distant and hasnt touched me but wants to lie with me and go to sleep all the time we cant seem to talk. Intimacy is so confusing. He always says im still beautiful and he checks me out but he doesnt know how to start things off. But then i know not to just come onto him as i cqnt tell what ge is feeling.

He can go through weeks and we are chilled and happy then one thing will throw him off. He can go funny for days. Like he hates me. Like i cant say anything. He rages. Hangs up. Goes silent. Then 2 days later hes all sad snd wants to see me. But he wont talk.

He does tell me stories then he will suddenly say next subject and he starts chewing his nails.

He sounds awful but i know its his head.

Because he can be distant we have issues and this is another reason im relieved as hes now acknowledging this is affecting us who as a rule have a good bond.

Sounds like a miserable situation to be in. Are you getting support? Is there something in how you are raised that pushes you to put someone else's needs (and moods) before your own?

His past could be ten times worse and it would still be okay to end a relationship that is making you stressed and unhappy.

That's a huge amount for anyone to go through - he needs some help with this I think and it is good he can see that. If you are struggling to communicate then potentially some couples counselling would help too. Poor guy.

However. This is absolutely a massive amount to take on and no one would blame you if you decided to walk away. You have to do what is right for YOU.