and the children? Split 7 years ago. Never been consistent or present as a father since we split. Never taken them anywhere or had them overnight (all his choice I have been asking for years and always met with a no,
would only come down to visit them) he has been pretty much absent the whole time apart from a few occasions where he's come back claiming to want to be involved only to disappear again.
He's done this repeatedly over the 7 years. Last time was a year ago, he came back and was seeing them but then was suppose to come down for our daughters birthday and cancelled on the day, after that he kept making plans to come down on certain days and not showing up, literally just not showing up or cancelling the night before at 2/3am. He has never had any set contact days as he's always refused and would only come down as and when he was free and usually he would let me know the week before, he wasn't seeing them regularly and would often go months between contact, so he saw them at Xmas one year then didn't see them again till march. He had the children's direct phone numbers but kept promising to see them then not showing up this was causing a lot of upset so I put a stop to direct contact. He also never called them and would only message about once/ twice a month. The children started to feel like he wasn't interested in talking to them if they messaged first he would take days to respond so they stopped messaging him.
Like I said this was a year ago and he hasn't had any contact since then. He contacted me recently wanting to see them again and saying he isn't going to mess them around again but how best can I make sure this doesn't happen? What steps would you take? What's the best way to protect them from him letting them down again and how would you start contact again for him to show that he is serious and going to be consistent and present father? This is the message from him "I just want to help and build a relationship with them. And help. Soon as my rooms are done I will take them down here and take them regularly. So you have space. I know things are strained between us and the kids but I would really like to turn things around. I've never hated you, I care for you lots I was just in a bad head space" does this sound like he genuinely is ready to step up and be a father? I don't want my children messed around again and want to protect them but also he is their father. How is the best way to reintroduce contact again as he hasn't seen them for a year now? I often wonder if there's something I should have done the previous times before restarting contact again to make sure he was actually genuine. Has anyone's ex actually stepped after after so long and lots of messing around, can someone really change?