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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need some self respect

4 replies

tawnee · 11/06/2024 11:47

Came out of a 10yr relationship and after a year and a half of being single got involved with a guy I knew from work. We had a casual thing for 5 months or so, until he moved jobs. He was clear he didn't want the casual thing to continue after the move which I was sad about but respected. I didn't ever have romantic feelings for him or want a relationship but enjoyed our FWB set up.

I was prepared to have no contact with him after he moved and to draw a line. But since he moved jobs he has alternated between no contact at all for months at a time, to messaging almost daily which culminates in us meeting up and sleeping together. He then goes cold again and the cycle repeats.

Each time I steel myself for it to be 'properly over'. I've gone through about 4 rounds of being sad about it ending. The final time we slept together was a couple of weeks ago. I finally confronted him yesterday about his behaviour and he has now said he was selfish to sleep with me when he didn't want our FWB thing to continue, and he won't contact me again. I guess that's the correct outcome but I feel really sad today. Ultimately it seems I'm sad that the man I've allowed to use me, is not going to do that anymore.

Where is my self respect? I want to do online dating when the dust settles but can only feel I'll be an absolute liability based on my behaviour with this guy.

OP posts:
pubertyalloveragain · 11/06/2024 18:16

I'm going through something similar. Feels contradictory. But what I've resolved is that I just got emotionally attached and used to it and it's change.

Elieza · 11/06/2024 19:05

I know that feeling. It sucks. It's like all the "what could have been"s have been stolen.

Block and move on. You can't risk being dragged into this void again.

tawnee · 11/06/2024 21:00

I think some of it is bruised ego (no one likes rejection) and realising any closeness between us was likely fiction. FWB is not for me I think although maybe this guy just didn't match what I was looking for.

OP posts:
ThisIsaNiceDress · 12/06/2024 07:41

You summed it up perfectly OP. Plus first relationships after divorce are often tricky and extra emotionally charged. You’ve learned a lesson. It’ll hurt and stop. Start dating again… just chose better and you will be fine 😊

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