My partner takes steroids

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Hello

Thought I'd jump on here as not something I discuss with family or friends!

But over years my partner has taken steroids, he said once our baby came along he stopped.

However first I found testosterone tablets he takes, and he said they are very low and not harmful and sometimes doctors actually prescribe them, so I let that go.

Then I found needles etc. confronted him and he didn't know what to say, I didn't have a go at him - I just said I'm worried these will start changing you as a person (they did before, he became careless and cold)
Anyway he said he only takes small amounts and wanted to enhance his body before holiday, on holiday he became careless and started doing his own thing in mornings like going to gym for 4 hours outside of hotel! Leaving me with the baby, this was 3 days in a row, I then said something and he ignored me for 2 days and said I moan about nothing, he then started a huge row in a mall - grabbed my phone in front of our friends we was with, got in a taxi back to hotel and when I got back he was so sorry and said that would never happen again, I was crying and he couldn't of been more sorry. I told him I think the steroids need to stop as his anger and behaviour isn't normal - he said it's not steroids and maybe he has a few issues. And told me he stopped taking steroids anyway 2 weeks before holiday.
Yesterday I found a needle he had left on side of sink in bathroom, I confronted him and it's ended in a row again and he's not talking to me.

I don't know what to do, as he is clearly not stopping taking steroids and I know and can see they are affecting our relationship with really stupid arguments that he drags on and ignores me for days.

I try talking to him and nothing changes 😔

Please could I have some advice xx

Leave him. Immediately. Men on steroids can be very, very dangerous, and he's already been physically abusive under their influence. He's an abuser and it's only going to get worse. Protect yourself and your child by ending the relationship.

@Aquamarine1029 I know if it was that easy I really would, I think it's so sad what's happening for our child more than me. I have a daughter too from my previous relationship years ago, and I just wouldn't know where to go - I can't really afford a place for the 3 of us. I just worry about my life with somebody like this - he's being so awful. After it not being me too - I've tried saying let's forget this and squash it as I just want peace, he hasn't even replied and just ignored me again. I haven't ate for 2 days as I feel so stressed and anxious- I just feel really sad and upset x

@Aquamarine1029 he's also acting so immature putting body pictures up on his stories on instagram since he hasn't spoken to me, changing his WhatsApp picture back to just him - it's just all so childish and to get at me.

You risk having the children taken off you if ss realise they are being exposed to needles

Sorry if that sounds dramatic. I would say u need to leave him asap he's lied and lied again if you tell him to stop he won't.
I know it's not that easy but yours and the kids safety comes first

you have to leave immediately. You cannot have your children around someone like this

The social media posts are the least of your problems forget all that. Grow up. Him putting pics of his body is irrelevant to the fact that you and your baby are at risk of real and serious harm. Get off social media, block his account and takes steps to protect yourself and your baby.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach no I'm not worried about social media. It hasn't bothered me I'm just trying to explain how immature on top of all the other things on how he's acting.

I do need to leave but I just am not sure where to go or how to afford to. I feel stuck if I am honest.

You are never stuck xx
Maybe speak to a women's charity?
Have u got decent friends and relatives?
How old are the kids x

@Wavescrashingonthebeach my daughter is nearly 9 and our son is 9 months old.

My mum has a spare room I could go to, I will have ti try and talk to her, I've come back to work since last night full time, and his mum lives 5 mins away and is my main childcare.

I will figure it all out. I just sort of hoped maybe I could get advice on how to make him stop as things were heat before all of this. But I don't think he will stop like you all say. Maybe I should just go to my mums for a few days do figure it out x

Definitely try and stay at ur Mums and have some space to work it all out. Please stay safe. I see in the papers all the time lovely girls who were hurt and even murdered by sted head nutters :( x

He won't stop unless he wants to. Obviously his actions and his lies show that he does not want to stop taking steroids- not for your sake, your relationship or your children.

Needles being left around are an accident waiting to happen- you've become desensitised to his drug use.

He's a liar, and a drug user.

You have a duty of care to protect your children from a man who you know is using illegal drugs. Drugs which have a side effect of making people more aggressive. I doubt social services would look favourably on this. Get yourself and your kids to your mum’s house. Yesterday. And if not yesterday, today.

I'd speak to your GP about getting a BBV screen as well. If he's injecting in a gym he may have shared needles or paraphernalia.

Thank you everyone I will sort this out and take some time away. He isn't going to stop is he. Anything I say gets twisted back on me somehow and I'm now the problem! Xx

. I just sort of hoped maybe I could get advice on how to make him stop as things were heat before all of this.

You can’t make him stop.
The three Cs apply to every addiction.
You didn’t cause this.
You can’t cure this.
You can’t control this.
It is his problem to resolve. You can suggest he sees his GP for help, that’s all you can do.
As a pp said if SS are informed your children are exposed to used needles ( how is he disposing of them?) you risk losing your children.
Leave and protect your children.

That is classic addict behaviour. None of this is on you.

It doesn't sound like he's very clued up on steroids and supplementary drugs which would control negative side effects, such as aggression - the so called 'roid rage'. If it's just the test he's taking, it creates a god-like complex so he'll think he's invincible.

It's possible to take steroids safely, but he would need to educate himself and you'd need to decide where your boundaries are and what you'll tolerate. If his behaviour was normal whilst he was taking them, would you be ok with that?

As a side note, if you do stay together and want another child, he definitely needs to educate himself on things he should be taking to recover his sperm production. Taking test shuts off the body's natural production of test and you need that to create sperm.

You have a duty to your children to get a different roof over your heads, away from him asap. If this is a room at your mums for a bit while you work out your next move, then great, make that happen. You're not making this up, it is happening and you can't make it stop, you just need to get away from it.

Get in touch with Womens' Aid or another womens' support service and they will advise you on the safest way to exit. ;

Thanks guys. Yeah he's being so nasty txting me blaming me how I've changed since having our baby, he doesn't understand anything. Seems to only care about himself x

Ignore him, save your energy, you'll need it. What he says you are or aren't isn't important. Get the support you need in place to get away from him as safely as possible, tell your mum what's been going on if you think she will offer to house you and you'll be safer there.

Don't hang about to see if it gets better, or negotiate with him at all. His steroid abuse is not your problem to sort out, it's his.

This. Also think about the message you are giving your children about relationships. With kindness, wake up and stop being so sentimental. By staying, you are teaching your children how to let men treat them when they grow up.

My Hubby also takes steroids but in our case it’s made a good change to him, he’s more motivated, he’s more emotional rather than cold, we have more intimacy than ever.

However prior to this he also drank alcohol and took drugs multiple times a week, he would never come home, we had 0 intimacy, he was awful to me all of the time. So after 4-5 months of that, I left him.

he prioritised a party lifestyle over his wife and treated me like I was worthless and I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life in that position.

Since then, he has stopped all drugs and alcohol completely and only takes a small amount of testosterone, I’m his main priority now and our relationship has never been better!

does your partner go out and party often? Or just drink often? I would highly recommend both of you deleting social media, it is poison! Me and my husband deleted it all last October and we have never looked back!

The fact he’s posting revealing pictures of himself (in my opinion) is very disrespectful, it also seems like he is seeking attention from other women. I know some women may say they aren’t bothered and aren’t “insecure” and let their partners do as they please but it’s down right disrespectful! If you’re happy with your partner, why be so desperate to share private things online? Why do you want attention from others?

I think you should stand your ground, firmly!

you sound like you deserve better and if he can’t give you it, it’s because he simply doesn’t want to.

He will not stop because you ask him or because of the baby. He will only stop when he wants to stop.

I think that you need to leave.