My exBF released songs about me - I think - and I’m becoming a mess (kinda)

[sunshinegrey]

So 5 years ago I was completely head over heels about a guy, we had amazing chemistry and connection and all that, it felt like 1st love even though we were in our late 30s. However our life goals and life styles were completely opposite. I was willing to enjoy the romance as much as I could and deal with consequences as they came while him got ‘scared’ and ended everything out of the blue for no good reason other than overthinking and anxiety.

He also ended via a long ass text which was heartbreaking in itself since our communication was so good.

I replied accepting his decision and ‘moved on’. Left him alone. He tried to come back a couple of weeks later and a couple of times over that year but since there were no clear intentions from his part I politely let him go each time by stopping responding to his texts rather than keeping a non conversation alive.

Roll out last weekend, I walk past a place where we made lovely memories (someone took me there so I did not go intentionally). Next day, I discover via an acquaintance’s post on IG that he released a new album last month (he is a musician).

Since I’m off work and with time in my hands, I went down the rabbit hole and there are two love songs about heartbreak, the lyrics are pretty much ‘our story’ - how we met and how we ended.

Now, my name are not on the songs of course and I am aware that it could be about someone else but my mind won’t stop thinking about it and I spent hours on the internet trying to find out when exactly the songs were wrtitten and the inspiration behind them.

I’m glad to report that I have now seeing plenty of photos and videos of him that I had not seeing before and I feel NOTHING. My heart and body feel nothing. If anything I feel the icky by some things. This is a relief as for a long time I could not even hear his very (popular) name without drawning in pain.

I’m in a happy relationship now with a man who treats me exactly how I always wanted and never expressed any doubts about us but I never felt the teen passion for him as I felt for the other guy back then - and I know it was all about fantasy and chemistry not necessarily compatibility.

But I’m just so curious.
And also something about being rejected so brutally that it seems like is not quite healed yet?

I don’t know the aim of this post, I just don’t have anyone I can talk about it.

I need help stop thinking about it. I wish I didn’t know about the songs at all. We are NC for such a long time and don’t follow each other on SM so I was oblivious about anything re: him. Happy days.

Any words of wisdom please?

BTW - I hate everything about the songs and this itself is helpful:)

just ignore and move on?

Yes this is the rational way @sixtyandsomething but hasn’t been that easy. I guess I need to keep busy and once I’m back to work it will be a non brainer

I know of three people who have written songs about me (and released them). One was only released 2 years ago, has my slightly amended name as the title and it's all over the old groups' social medias. And the social media of completely unrelated groups. There could be more of course hat I don't know about.

One is an ex, one a very short term casual boyfriend and one was just infatuated with me.

Take it as a complimemt. And just don't listen to them! I find it is best that way. Seeing your name come up randomly slightly miss-spelt after 28 years is very strange but hey, that's life when you date musicians.

@AlisonDonut
Yes but it also means they use anything to make songs and it is nothing special - that is why it could be about anyone in ‘my’ case

I always wondered if musicians seek drama to write their songs - this guy is pretty emotionally unavailable so I guess he has a collection of heartbreaks

Thinking that way helps and also that I actually didn’t like the songs
I guess I’m just trying to understand what he really felt since we didn’t have any meaningful talk after the out of blue break up text but our thing was so lovely and intense

Did you like your song?

Op, this may have a huge significance for you but not so much for him. It’s because he is a musician he needs to get inspiration from somewhere. Just think of it that he had to come up with yet another song. It just so happened to be about you. I am not trying to invalidate your feelings about what happened, just trying to make you look at things from a different perspective to help you move on.

This happened to my friend...but the lyrics just insulted her continuously! He obviously wasn't over her as nearly every song featured her!!

Yes. I need to hear stuff like that.

Women have mumsnet, men have song writing. Both sexes need a space to vent.

I wonder how many men lurk on mumsnet and spot themselves in a thread?

Glad you are in a happy loving relationship now OP

Which one?

I found it quite amusing, the latest one, as the person who wrote it didn't want a long term relationship but then went on to have numerous relationships with people who looked just like me.

It's all very weird. Best out of it in my opinion.

I stopped dating musicians about 20 years ago. Too much drama. Get over it fellas!

Introduce him to Taylor Swift. They could fuel each other’s creative output for decades.

I've written and released songs 'about' my ex - they were actually released way after we were over, when I was in a happy relationship with my now long-term partner.

It didn't mean any part of me wanted to get back together with my ex, I was just remembering the emotions and using that to create something. Often I can't write about what's actually happening at the time as it's too close to home, and need a bit of space and time before I 'use' a particular event to write songs.

I think it's entirely possible that they're about you, but more likely, they're about the emotions he experienced when you and he were going through things - as it's the emotions that usually feed into a good song. (Not that you've said whether they're any good).

The one with your name - it was anything like ‘you’

Yep no more musicians or artists for me either

Spot on

That is exactly how it sounds like - all about him, what he felt and his experience but not about me - could be anyone - but because of the way we met and broke up it seems like was that particular experience in his life