Boundaries - any psychologists on here?

[Flyhigher]

Is boundary setting very hard?
With A narcissists / old people / family members?
When grieving? With teens.

I have not been able to do this and am now falling out with sister.

How easy is it?

How did other people do it?

Very hard if you have been the person all along who has always excused the narc and then finally you set boundaries and you become the problem. Check out the stately homes threads on here for advice.

It's normal to lose people or fall out with people when you put boundaries in place.

Setting boundaries isn't hard.

Trying to get other people to stick to them is out of your control though. People don't have to stick to your boundaries. It's up to you to stick to them. Which will often mean having to end relationships or distancing yourself from the person who doesn't respect your boundaries.

Obviously with teens etc you can't really cut them out of your life so that will often mean that you have to enforce consequences and that there will be conflict.

It's actually not as hard as you would think. They are your boundaries, not other people's. They can choose to respect them, or not.

It sounds deceptively easy; and it kind of is. But you need to have a good think (and possibly write some stuff down just for yourself) first. You need to know your own boundaries, before enforcing them on others. After all, if you don't know where the line is, why should anyone else?

For example: if your mother is always commenting on your weight. The first thing is to say "it upsets me when you comment on my weight. If you do it again, I'm going to leave the conversation." Then walk out the room if she does it. Whilst nicely maintaining relations for the rest of the day (without mentioning / apologising). And repeat the not engaging/ walking out if she does it again.

No, it's not hard to set them. The issue is enforcing them. If it's a dramatic change then you will get push back from those used to ignoring them. That's when the hard work starts for you.