Bipolar boyfriend broke up with me

[bluerug100]

We were together for six months but friend for years before that. I didn't know much about bipolar before him.

The four months have been the best relationship I've had - other than when his moods kicked in. I learnt to leave him alone to get over them and during that time it was very hard for me.

We had a fallout yesterday, not over anything huge but I sent a meme to him to make it lighthearted and he took it completely the wrong way. He sent me a message saying it's over and blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram and my number.

I'm so upset. I imagined a future with him and we spoke about marriage and kids. In reality though, I don't know if that would have been wise considering his bipolar but for now, he was great. We had a lot in common, we'd work together, gym together and I could be myself around him. I'm struggling with the no contact but I feel like it's best he ended it when he did rather than me having to do it further down the line as his mood swings would really get to me.

I feel like I'm in mourning. My heart hurts, I'm crying on and off. I went to the gym and cried walking back because it's where we would go together. I'm having to act normal for my child but I just feel so sad. I have no appetite and just miss him so much. Can't believe he would just end it and block me like I meant nothing to him.

Has anyone broken up with a bipolar partner before? Was it for the best?

Youve had a tiny glimpse of what your relationship could have been like OP. Sounds like you’re best out. My husband has bipolar and asd. It has been nothing short of a soap opera for the last 17 years and it’s only the last year or two we have some sort of peace with medication. I just don’t recommend that ride.

@bluerug100 Greetings - can confirm was with bipolar partner for 13 years.

Get out now.

Best and worst relationship experience I have ever had - biggest love of my life - have been celibate for nigh on 10 years since break up due to the trauma.

Get out now - find yourself someone emotionally stable and healthy for the sake of you and your family.

Apologies if I’ve offended anyone - I have a superb female friend who has the same diagnosis.

@Chicca1970 thanks for sharing and will take heed of what you said. This has also been my best and worst relationship and I'm not even a year in. Hope you manage to heal.

@Carock sounds like it's been a rough ride and I'd definitely prefer a life of peace. Sorry it's been hard for you.

@naoro yep, I looked into it, 15-30% higher if one parent has bipolar. 90% of marriages with a bipolar partner end in divorce - if I'm wise I'll stay strong and stay away!

It’s ok I’m as tough as old boots but I don’t know many people who could have tolerated what I have. I also have the worry of my children having it. One has autism too.

Choose peace I swear to god, you only live once.

@medianewbie thanks for sharing. It's noted!

Never said autism was a mental illness, I said neuro divergent which includes a range of things including Tourette's, bipolar disorder and adhd. Neurodiversity covers brains that function differently to what society considers normal.

You seem to have overlooked that this man did apologise for his moods, or that they've been friends for many years. Nothing ableist about it, only getting one side of the story.

No one knows what he has said to her in terms of what triggers him. An experience I have had many times and the NT person ignored it because it's not a big deal to them. Sometimes the only way is to cut contact with people who aren't good for you.

Neurodiversity includes many things. I don't need to educate myself on my lived experience thanks.

I know this must be so hurtful to people with bipolar and other mental health conditions, but I would hope very much my children don’t end up with someone who does. It makes life so hard; and it makes a child’s life if there are children so much less stable and more emotionally unbalanced having to live with a parent like that. The marriages I know are falling apart or have fallen apart, and the children are the real victims. (Unless you ask their parent with borderline personality disorder who would clearly say that they are the victim here)

Ive said it before and I will say it again, a relationship is very different to a friendship. The latter lulled you into a false sense of security and you fast tracked the relationship, which given you have a child, was irresponsible.

Of course people with BP deserve love but given your attachment style, having a child and your proclaimed sensitivity, you aren’t that person to be giving it. Op you really need to look in the mirror and ask yourself some hard questions. I’m glad he ended it when he did because you probably would have stuck around and god knows where you and your son would have ended up emotionally if the relationship continued any longer. As bruised as you are, you got off lightly.

As someone who has dated someone for 2 years with suspected bi polar OP I understand what you are saying. When he was well it was wonderful. I have never experienced such excitement, joy , fun and love. However when he was unwell, this happened twice in the two years, for a few months it was hell. He was not unkind. I did not really feature on his radar. It was soul destroying.

I would not put myself through this ever again. Walk away

I have bipolar. I have manic highs occasionally, mostly hypomania and crushing lows. I chase the highs when I'm flying the world is wonderful, with so many exciting opportunities. I hate the lows where I have zero motivation, i feel so low and don't have any energy.

I'm in a stable relationship. My partner is my best friend. I've just been reading out some of these comments to him- he doesn't recognise me in any of them. In fact says I'm more 'normal' and 'rathional' then his last girlfriend who had no diagnosis of any sort!

I'm finding it really unsettling some of the ways in which people like me are being described on this thread. Just because you've met one bipolar person and they've acted in a certain way doesn't necessarily mean it's the bipolar causing it. Eve thought it's their personality??

@pinkgin79 I'm happy for you that you don't associate with the typical bipolar traits and you've found someone who you're happy with. I'm sorry for anyone that this post offends and as a past poster said, maybe I shouldn't have directly said bipolar. However, I do strongly believe the bipolar affects his moods, he's told me that and everything I've read about it aligns with how he is when he's in the moods. I've read also that bipolar can cause people to overreact and end relationships suddenly.

I've never experienced this type of behaviour before so that's the only thing I can put it down to. Again, sorry if there's anyone offended by this. I tried to stay with him despite the mood swings but he ended it an now I'm facing the reality that he did me a favour.

Like all illnesses, they affect people in different ways.

Where have you sourced the 90% from? I’ve never found a robust source for this beyond articles which quote that it is thought to be 90%.
An ‘original source’ that a friend tracked it to actually just cites a therapist who says it feels to them to be about 90%
Hardly likely to be a representative sample of the bipolar population!
You apologise for offending people but continue to be very offensive.
I have reported your post and various other responses though I’m not sure how successful that will be.
Many people have bad relationships with moody, unstable, unethical, self-centred and unpredictable partners. Some may have bipolar. Many and most won’t.
This thread plays out with massive confirmation bias and to be honest, it’s only because there is so much stigma like this around bipolar… that folks like me and probably others on this thread have to stay in the closet and not share our condition with others, who would probably never guess as it’s well managed.

Other people who are wishing their kids never end up with someone with bipolar…. How is this really okay or necessary to say?
Isn’t it better to say that you hope they don’t end up with someone cruel, unreliable, self-centred etc.
Due to the need to manage their condition, the bipolar people I’ve encountered are hugely empathetic, tolerant, open-minded.. and the kind of folks who would see someone through illness and other misfortunes, as they understand that life isn’t all roses.

@Campaignbipolar people aren't saying that bipolar people are terrible to be around 100% or even most of the time. Or that all bipolar people are like this. And some may be medicated or controlling it to a degree that makes it ok for all around them.

I am going on personal familial experience whereby the person with bipolar has made it hell for their children and close family members, leaving everyone and the partner with ongoing issues. The children have suffered immensely with long term anxiety and CPTSD as a result of how this family member behaved towards them. The partner has had to care for them through thick and thin and suffered many years of stress and discomfort.

Going into any relationship with open eyes is really important whereby such a mental health condition is involved. I think most people are just concerned that the OP gets real life perspectives on what it can be like within a relationship when a bipolar person is not well.

Actually your original post was one that made generalisations. You said you heard something like 95% of bipolar marriages end in divorce and the stats are high for a reason.
if it is a reliable statistic please share. If not, please do not make leading statements like that.
I’m sorry for your family experience. Yes - all relationships should be gone into with eyes wide open, of course.

@Campaignbipolar Please reread. I did say I read it "somewhere" "about" and "could be wrong". Rather than stating it being a definitive thing.

That said, here is one article stating a study in 2003 suggested this:

https://www.bphope.com/caregivers/bipolar-divorce/

"Mental illness does bring its own issues to a relationship, however. The statistics for divorces involving a person with bipolar disorder are substantially higher than the national average. An estimated 90 percent of these marriages end in divorce, according to a 2003 study, compared with just 40% where neither partner has bipolar disorder."

My main point at the time was supporting the OP and helping her to see how it affected a family member. Hopefully the OP has taken this on board.

I really didn't mean to offend anyone and I know having bipolar must be hard and the symptoms show up differently in people who have it. My post is talking about my situation with my now ex and how his symptoms manifested.

I really do appreciate everyone who shared their experiences, I hope this thread doesn't disappear as I'd use it for a reminder when I'm missing him.

For anyone who does have bipolar, I hope you find your person. I thought I had mine and he was the best partner I'd had despite his moods but he ended it and deep down, I know it was for the best because I couldn't handle how his bipolar made him - but that may not be the case for everyone.

Thanks for this article. It is a blog - and very interesting in the conclusions he comes to. I still see no reference to any actual data on divorces. Or the 2003 (?!) study you mention.
i did read your post
i will leave the thread now as i realise I’m detracting from the key point of supporting the OP.
OP - I hope you can work through the aftermath and find peace. They sound incredibly difficult and it definitely sounds like a relationship that could have been quite harmful, and you are best out of.

All these arm chair psychologists saying they suspect their ex had bipolar 🙄
so many ignorant views here about mental illness and bipolar.

Apologies I may have linked to the wrong article:

https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/relationships/why-do-bipolar-relationships-fail

This is the one that refs the 2003 study.