I really need some advice as I feel I am on the brink of going back to my marriage which I have just ended. Me and DH have been together 8 years, have a child and talked about having another (not for a couple of years due to life stuff happening). We were both completely in love at the beginning, I still remember it. He felt like 'home' and he still does in a strange way, he says the same about me. We were really happy. We had our ds quite early on and I think we were a bit too young and didn't prepare for parenting, we ended up clashing over parenting styles from very early, and DH's default response to conflict is sulking. I still remember the first time he did it, about 6 months into our relationship, and I was really upset as it came out of nowhere and was in response to nothing. He is very sensitive to what he thinks is criticism and I think he had a parenting model where his mother was very subordinate to his father and he also has a lot of anger towards his mother. His brother and dad sulk like this too. It's hurt me so many times, within even the first couple years of our relationship it led to him threatening to go home from a family holiday, sulking in front of my parents, sulking in front of ds, getting angry and pushing me off during sex.... so many times have been ruined by his sensitivity and inability to deal with his feelings. Many times ds has been a catalyst as he says I undermine him - but sometimes he has made ds cry and been very harsh (like his parents were) and I can't help stepping in, in those situations. We had a long string of counselling but he started the sulking and nasty remarks and threats of divorce up again within a year and he continually tells me i don't listen (if I argue back) and there is something wrong with me due to my troubled childhood, but by the same token he says he loves me more than anything and he just wants to look after me. But if thats the case, why does he hurt me so much? I have so much resentment primarily for how he has acted in front of ds and i think he resents me too for being 'difficult' as he says.
Nevertheless we have struggled on despite having trial separations twice. I think the love we had before is what has kept us together. Since we said we should divorce and we can't make it work, we have both been so upset. I keep crying, going back over our lovely family times, mourning our old life which will completely be gone forever. DH says he wants to make it work if there is anything left to save. I just don't know. My family hate him honestly and they are supporting me to leave. I have my ducks completely in a row. But it would be so easy to just fall apart and stay together, we have done it before. The idea of breaking up is so painful, for me and him and ds. I think I do still love DH and yet I know we can't stop this cycle of arguing. We have talked about divorce so many times, we can't get past that can we? Or can we? Is it normal to feel like this even when you know it's right? I think I could be OK in time and even happier than I have been for several years - but right now I am just devastated. Leaving someone you still love... is it ever the right thing to do? please help.