Maintaining boundaries!

[lovenotwar149]

I posted on here recently, about standing strong with my boundaries in relation to my parents. I have done this.
My boundary is to visit once a month which I did with reasonable success from Dec' 23 to April this yr. (5 visits) By April a certain person resorted to behaviour that 'doesn't work for me' (I want to maintain diplomacy) so I didn't visit in May. My plan is to visit near end of this month. This Sunday is fathers day. I could coincide the visit with this event but my father on a number of occasions have criticised card giving etc claiming its a waste of money. I am a big time card maker, for some yrs now. I have felt very hurt by these comments in the past and now I have come into my own and have the confidence/courage to speak up for myself etc I am not inclined to give a card to him for such an occasion.
The downside for me is , by the time I next go there will be a 2 month gap since my last visit. That coupled with NO visit/card on fathers day this Sunday will mean spiteful/passive aggressive behaviour for me when I do go. I know the drill. And even having radical acceptance of the situation, the anxiety is still very much present.
What do people think?

Its interesting as all the cards I gave given him on fathers day were not appreciated. And now I plan not to give him a card, he won't like that either!
No win situation! Damned if I do damned if I dont

What benefit do you get from visiting these people?

Go on Father's Day with some chocolates or if he doesn't like gifts just take a box of fancy biscuits you can all eat whilst you are there with a cup of tea. Then if he mentions you haven't got a card say I know you aren't a fan so I got you the biscuits instead. Worst case you get to eat all the biscuits.

How do you know if you haven’t tried not give him a card? You can always post a card/present.

I don’t understand why not seeing him in April means you couldn’t change it to the following weekend or another weekend inbetween.

“By April a certain person resorted to behaviour that 'doesn't work for me' (I want to maintain diplomacy)” - I suspect there is a big back story going on here.

oh yes there's a huge back story. I dont really want to see them again in all honesty.
In my culture/community its a very BIG think to not see ones parents and not 'serve' them so to speak esp as they age.

What benefit do you get from visiting these people?

Great question.
I get to witness lies and manipulation and I learn how NOT to treat people that way

ok thanks for replies people, appreciated :)

Why would you even bother? Seriously, what do you get out of it?

Take it from someone who hasn't seen their toxic family for 10 years, just stay away.

If this was a boyfriend, everyone would say dump him. People need to be nice to each other and respectful. The fact you are related doesn’t mean you can be treated any old how.
Try not to worry what other people think and restrict your time with toxic people.

If this was a boyfriend, everyone would say dump him.

so true