Unsure and no longer trust myself to make good decisions.

[MauvePalm]

Hello,

I'm posting here because I have no one to turn to. I'm at a crossroads regarding relationships and careers. I am reaching out to see if anyone has faced similar decisions at this stage of life and if they have any advice to offer.

I am 31 years old and have spent the last 10 months attempting to retrain to access a career in teaching. On paper, it seemed like a great idea and a good fit for me in terms of skills and prior experience. I had done my research and spoken to people who were teachers. I was aware that it would not be an easy path. However, I was not prepared for the extent to which this course would wreck my health. Over the last few months, I have suffered from depression, dizziness, laryngitis, acne, cessation of my menstrual cycle for eight months and counting, consistent feelings of being generally run-down, cold and flu symptoms and a mysterious long-standing chesty cough. I regularly slept for 16+ hours after laying my head down on Friday nights and still could not walk in a straight line to the bathroom after getting up.

I'm out. The dream is over, and I'm devastated at the realisation of so much wasted time, money and effort.

I'm trying to decide on the next steps and one option is to move abroad for work. It would be for a year max, and I could stay with a family member to save money on rent and build up my savings again. I need to rebuild my health and think about what I want to do with my life. There would be more to do in that city in terms of hobbies, and I would have a better quality of life.

However, a big part of me does not want to go. I'm quite exhausted and battered by life already, and all I want is some stability. Most of all, I want someone to share my life with. All I can think about is how this would be another year of wasted opportunity to try and find that person. I started feeling like I wanted something serious at the age of 28/29, and I have a feeling of dread that it may never happen. At the same time, I know I could keep living in my location for the next 8 years and wake up alone at 40 regardless. I'm just scared and wish I had made different choices. All I want is stability, peace and happiness. It comes together for so many people but my life is still as messy as it was 5-6 years ago. Did anyone feel this dread in their early 30s and if so, how did you deal with it?

I don't understand why you think living abroad for a year means you can't possibly find a partner.

What is it about your training/job that you think causes these health issues? All down to stress? I'm wondering if there is something else going on that might not go away if you go abroad?

I was also wondering why you think those extreme symptoms were caused by your course and not by something else? Have you had any investigations? Bloods and a chest xray would be a start

It's definitely the stress and workload expectations of the training that has brought this on. I can't say that I had the health of an athlete before starting but no major health issues either, and I was not taking any medication for anything at all. I have never felt so bad in mind and body as I have done since starting this course. I was told by a tutor and the classroom teacher that it gets easier (not easy) after a few years. There's no way I can keep going at this rate for years.

@Aquamarine1029 Without giving too much away, I'm not attracted to the local men. I'm sure that there will be other expats but the pool is much smaller than what I would find here. I understand that whether or not I go, I may never find someone to settle with. I'm just at a low point and feeling like so much time has been wasted already.

Go now. I felt 'old' at 30 so didn't, I wish I did. I'm now late 30s