Is he interested - Dating Advice

[Earthsign]

I met a guy at a social night he had his eyes on me all night. We finally started speaking, convo flowed and I was really comfortable. Before I left he got up and gave me a hug and took my number. When I got home he sent me this message “ It was so nice to meet you
And if you would like to meet up tonight for a bit or a chat , whatever 😄feel free to reach out x” I responded I can’t meet tonight but am free weekend let me know if you want to meet again another time”. He loved hearted the message but didn’t say anything else.

Does that mean he is not interested ? (Also he wasn’t acting sexual towards me and was extremely respectful when interacting )

So he wanted to meet you again the same night? or do you mean the next night?

Depends. When was this? If you were talking about meeting up this weekend coming, it's only Monday

What's the timeline between your message saying meet at weekend and now? He may be checking childcare/diary etc... BUT if that was me I would have replied saying great, what do you want to do, what day etc... but I am fast paced and I never normally ignore messages. I would even say not sure about weekend, will let you know later.

Just read your post again. You say you met at a social evening and he texted after you left. Was that to meet up late that same night? If so, could have just wanted a shag. If not, I refer to my first response

I understand that message that he wanted to see you the same night for sex.

Need more details on times here.

What time was the social event
What time did you leave and go home
How long has it been since you messaged him last?

Without knowing further details, sounds like he was looking for a hookup that night.

If he tried to meet up again the same night, that does indicate he's just looking for a hook-up. Also, if he was interested in actually dating you, I would expect him to be a bit more conversational in his messages, rather than jumping straight to the suggestion of meeting up again. Lastly, the "whatever" reads like a euphemism for sex.

Unfortunately, just because someone behaves respectfully and isn't being overtly sexual doesn't necessarily mean they're not just looking for a hook-up.

If he does reach out again suggesting to meet up, I think you should be quite forward in asking him what he's looking for.

No way of knowing really, he could be a player who does this sort of thing a lot and tries his luck Was hoping for a quick meet up and bit of action and the weekend seems a bit far away for him and the moment has passed.

Or he doesn’t do this often and you’ve made an impact on him and there’s still time for him for respond about the weekend.

I think I’d leave it now and see if he gets in touch again.

im sure he was interested but how interested… time will tell!

He has messaged me today saying how am I and that he would like to meet up with me today. I’m very new to do dating so idk if he is just looking for sex. Is it a bad idea for me to say I would like to meet up, but ask what he is looking for first ? I just don’t want to waste my time

@Earthsign chances are if he wants to meet today then he’s expecting a hook up.
I wouldn’t meet him - and wouldn’t waste my time trying to set something else up either.

No, if he's messaged in the day there's no harm in meeting up for a coffee. I wouldn't start interrogating him on what his intentions are at this stage. Just meet for a coffee and chat and keep it bright and breezy. Good luck

I would have assumed that was a sex invitation.

If not, he's a love bomber.
The 'looking at me all night' suggested that too.

Predators look at prey like that. If he wasn't handsome you would probably have been creeped out, right?

Narcissists and similar monsters are prone to this behaviour. We mistake it for attraction..it is not.

Nor is messaging someone to meet you again the same night after you've just met them. It's love bombing beginning.

Run.

Love bomber alert.
He's a big old boundary pusher.

It's not normal. He's trying not to give you any headspace to think. It's creepy.

Delete and block.

So sometime last week ( you've not explained timescales well) you met on a night out. Then he says "let's meet up later" on another day, you say you can't but can at the weekend, so he sends a heart in reply.
Normal expectation would be that he either comes back with a " sorry can't at the weekend" or says yes and you arrange a date. But that didn't happen, instead, it's silence all weekend, until Monday he goes " how about tonight?"
He's slotted you in when he's got a spare bit of time and he went silent at the weekend, so I'd say he's attached in some way or other, whether that's GF or a DW.
Whatever the reason, it would drive me mad having a man who gave no notice and always wants to meet the same day expecting you to drop things for it.
Don't bother being at someone's beck and calk, I'd give this one a miss. If you want to do some digging, you might be able to find out if he's attached via SM.

Sorry for the confusion I met him yesterday at a social event in the day time. He messaged me today asking to meet. I did ask what he meant as I was weary of him wanting sex. But he said to meet for dinner. I’m going to say I can meet weekend. And if he’s not serious then he probably will disappear

I thought that's what you meant. So you said no to yesterday and now he's asking you today to meet today. Far too pushy.

My worry isn't that he just wants sex (though it absolutely could be that). Its that he's narcissist (or similar). Telling him no, but you'll see him at the weekend, won't deter that sort.

Either way, hes bad news. Don't meet him at all. Normal people don't behave as he has. They give space. They don't push for dates the same day.

Ps, if you want to rule out the 'just sex' thing then
you can say 'no, I can't do today but I have a few hours free on Saturday if you want to do lunch in town? I hear zizi is good if you fancy it, wpuld meet you there'.

That way you are a. Seeing how he reacts to 'no'. B. Suggesting a daytime date. c. Making it clear it's in a time slot so you wint be going home with him. D. Suggesting a public place to meet.

Personally with this guy I'd not. Because he's creepy. I wouldn't meet him at all. But, if you do need to rule out 'he just wants sex' it's a useful approach.

Maybe I am being naive but I don't see anything massively wrong by suggesting today - is he being a bit keen, probably but maybe ask what he has in mind or another day?

The issue is the whole flow.

You just met him yesterday and when you got home he suggested meeting again that.same.day. You said no. And now literally the next day he's suggesting today you meet again today. It's pushy.

It's saying that he thinks he, someone you've just met, is more important than any plans you have that day. It doesn't give you time to prepare or more importantly, think.

I'd do some Facebook and Google snooping. You may even find he has a gf. There's a 'rush rush rush' about him. That's always a red flag.

If you'd been in a few dates and one day he goes 'I know it's short notice but do you want to do something later?' once in a while then that's different. This, isn't that.

And heads up, the last person I met like your guy, was a rapist. As I discovered later via goodle searches after the creepiest date I'd ever had where I felt he was trying to lead me somewhere quiet. Not saying this is the case here of course. But, be wary of boundary pushers.

Okay that's a red flag to me. You've suggested meeting at the weekend, he's disregarded that and suggested today.

I have a personal rule when dating that I need a minimum of 24 hours notice before a date/meeting up. It's a personal preference because I like to know how my day looks and don't like last minute arrangements; I also find it helps to weed out the men who are just interested in a booty call.

I wouldn't start interrogating him on what his intentions are at this stage.

@Justcallmebebes I don't see it as an interrogation. There's nothing wrong with asking "so what is it you're looking for?" when you've just met someone. Makes good sense to get that clarity early on to avoid wasting time.

OP if you do still want to meet up with him, I'd recommend going with @Pinkbonbon 's suggestion!

I don't think the op has suggested the weekend yet pp.

If you haven’t already, suggest that you would “love to meet for a coffee at the weekend, as you’re busy this week with work commitments.” If he ghosts you, he’s only after sex. If he meets you for coffee, enjoy his company, get to know him, and decide if you’d like to get to know him further. Simples.

Don't worry about being new to dating, go on how you feel. In this case, you're posting on a forum for clarification of his communication before you've been on a date. That's not Mr Perfect for you. Mr Perfect will say things, and you'll know just what he means, and it'll feel great. You won't want a forum involved; you'll want all forums and most of the rest of the world to leave the two of you alone.