Why do men stay?

[DustyLee123]

Folllwing on from another thread, why do men stay when you’ve said you’re not happy and want to end it? Why do they say they’ll change, but don’t?
Why don’t they just make it all so much easier and agree to separate? No need for falling out, just go your separate ways.

I guess they like the convenience of having someone do loads of shit for them…
They like a peaceful life where they don’t need to put in much effort. Leaving the relationship would mean they’d have to put effort into finding a new person etc.

They say they’ll change but never do because they know they don’t have to, because you’ll stay anyway. Why put effort into changing just to make the other person happy when you can just say some words that you’ll do the right things but not have to put any thought or effort into doing anything different because you know the partner won’t leave anyway…

Same reasons women stay.

The hassle of splitting up and splitting assests; children; shared social lives etc.

In some cases itight he hecause they don't want to be responsible for their own domestic shit but, tbh, I don't know any relationships irl where they're not equally split in that respect anyway. But being with someone else does lighten the load all round in all respects

This

Sadly I'm afraid an age when many of the friends who's weddings I attended in my 20s are now either separated or seriously struggling as a couple. Most of the time both parties would be in a much diminished financial state if they divorced and the general hassle of splitting up the family unit, dividing assets etc. They soldier on with counselling, being courteous with each other about the home but the love is gone and they have kind of accepted this new purgatory.

Same reason women want to stay - life got in the way and the relationship stagnated but this is the wake up call to fix things. If you have invested 10-20 years of your life with someone I think you should look to fix things rather than just walk out as not happy. Its not normally one person that caused the unhappiness, it was both.

Plus you have the kids, finances etc...

For 'most' men, they get way more out of marriage/relationships than women. Free labour for starters. Most of these guys move from being looked after by Mummy to being looked after by wife. The thought of being alone and actually having to do everything themselves is too much for them. This is another reason you see way more men jumping straight into new relationships after the end of one.

Many men are inherently lazy (emotionally) & just want to be looked after- just adult mummy boys most of them. They do not care if you are happy or not as long as dinner is on the table, house is clean and their washing is done.

women stay as they believe the man will change & they will get the ‘fairytale relationship’ which was been sold to them since they were 4. Plus finances are often as issue as women tend to be the care givers & have put their career on hold for the family.

What a horrible old fashioned attitude!!

No, I lived on my own after leaving home and in all relationships was not 'looked after' - House stuff was split roughly 50/50, we each had our own jobs to do, and childcare etc... Even when I was working and she was on mat leave I would do the midnight / 1am feeds so she could get sleep from 9/10 through till whenever, and I could get sleep from 1-7

Talk about misandry!!

Bcos u allow them to.

Actually this is well studied and evidenced.
Married men are happier than single men. Married men are happier than married women. Married men do less household chores and less childcare than their partners. Married men benefit professionally from their marriage. Marriage historically has benefited men and continues to do so. Perhaps you don’t see yourself as ‘all men’ but on average, in the average relationship, men benefit from being married in a way women do not.

I’m in that stage where I’m a bit lost with my thought process. The thought has occurred to me that ending my marriage might end up being the result. When I think about why I might stay though it’s varied. My wife suffers from anxiety and (sometimes depression) so that impacts me, it scares me that me leaving could cause significant issues there, not only impacting her but also our children. I know many say you shouldn’t “stay for the kids” but breaking up a stable, comfortable home for my children is a big concern. I guess financial reasons come into play but those are more of a position of things like the kids, I wouldn’t want “mums house” or “dads house” to be hugely different in terms of comfortable places to live etc rather than a concern about me (or my wife) not having any money.

In terms of the sexist, old fashioned comments that people seem to peddle on here that doesn’t even occur to me to be honest. I can more than look after myself, I cook, clean, iron, wash or whatever as it is.

I don't recognise it either.

I was married. My exh and I were equal partners. I didn't look after him any more than he looked after me.

I'm now engaged and, tbh, he does the majority of everything. In fact, he does all the 'wifework' in the relationship.

I clearly did not say ALL men. Also there are real statistics out there that show men's life expectancy rises in marriage where women's is lowerered. The same goes for mental health. Do some research. Just because I'm not talking about you, doesn't mean its not a thing. Also, look up the definition of misandry then look up the definition of misogyny

There was a study done not so long ago on couples who claimed they did 50-50 of everything in the marriage. After a year long study, it turned out that women did 2.5hrs more housework per week than their husbands, 2 hpw more caregiving than their husbands and had 3.5hpw less leisure time than their spouse. There was lots more too. Something like 80% of the women in the study earned more than their husband. Both spouses claimed at the beginning of the study they were definite 50-50.

Just because its not your husband, doesn't mean its not a thing! Literally the first thing that came up when I googled this: "Interestingly, marriage closes the gap between the two and appears to suit men better than women. When they are married, the average life expectancy for a man increases to 85.4 years (+1.1 year). While the life expectancy for women when married sees a drop of a full year to an average of 86.2 years"