Shutting me down, closing off, then calling me mental when I can’t take it anymore

[Justanotherusername27]

I’m staying at my sisters. Left our home because I can’t take it anymore.

I won’t go into the ins and out but I just feel disrespected and ignored. We’ve argued all weekend. He snapped and swore at me and then wouldn’t listen to my response to it. Part of the argument is that when I talk and try accept guilt over a disagreement and also explain where I am coming from he tells me he is not interested and not listening. He won’t give me his attention. He does other things and sometimes actively ignores me. I’ve sobbed and he ignores me. To a point today where I was pleading with him to stop and listen to me and he began doing a workout video and I just snapped and screamed and threw things. It is absolutely not okay I did that I am not here trying to condone my behaviour. it was wrong and horrible of me but I just feel like I’ve been pushed and pushed until I’ve snapped. And now I’ve been called mental and he’s done with me.

Has anyone else had this? Is this reactive abuse by being ignored. He hasn’t followed me around or pushed me for anything he just ignores me, says something really cutting and hurtful and then goes back to acting like and telling me that I am boring him. It’s over. I get that and I’m humiliated and devastated and angry at myself. My question is am I an abuser?

He doesn't want to listen to you. He doesn't have to. You shouldn't be throwing things at him. Just end it

I don't think you're an abuser, but you do need to leave him.

Stop looking for reasons to excuse his behaviour and yours. The entire relationship is toxic and has turned you into someone you don't even recognise.

It's over. Let it be over. Don't ever communicate with him again and block him entirely from your life. Your partner should enhance your life, this man devalues it. Move on.

I’ve already left. After telling me bye and he’s done with me and I’m not having the house he’s now texted me hoping I got somewhere safe and hopes I sleep well? Just do not get the mentality…

It isn’t right I threw things absolutely agree. I’ve never ever done anything like that before I’ve never even been in a fight my whole life! It’s brought out a side of me I don’t recognise or like. it was extremely wrong.

Like I said, you have become someone you don't recognise. This doesn't happen in a healthy relationship. You've left, so just keep going.

No I know I agree. It’s not right. I’m not right for what I did at all. Really I’m disgusted with myself but my fear is tomorrow when I’m sad and he starts to interact and eventually apologise. How do you stay strong? I’ve lost my mum recently and he’s the only one who supported me and was with me. I don’t want to be weak and go back I’m worried my need for comfort will overtake my need for stability and a healthy relationship

It sounds to me as though his behaviour of ignoring you and deliberately not listening to you and doing other stuff when you are trying to talk to him is done because provoking you is a game to him. He is wanting to upset you and wanting to make you react with unreasonable behaviour. He is enjoying upsetting you. Like a cat playing with it's prey.

Getting out of the situation and leaving is the best thing you could have done. Normal communication is not possible between you both because of his playing mind games with you. No doubt he will start being nice to you now to get you to return but if you do go back his behaviour will start up all over again .As pp said you would be wise not to go back and you would be better ending the relationship permanently.

It sounds like he's an abuser, abusing you by ignoring you and then calling you mental when you've had enough. Now he will love bomb you until you come back and the cycle will continue. Please don't go back to him, he's shown you who he is.

I’m so sorry that you lost your mum recently, I think it sounds like you’ve had a lot on your plate and you snapped. He sounds like a manipulative narcissist and you can do a lot better. Him ignoring you then acting normal days later is gaslighting manipulation. I hope you have family and friends you can help you heal. Don’t go back to him.

This is typical abuser behaviour. He will deliberately push you to a point where you lose control, they he can call you the abuser. You are not - he is. Believe me when I say, he will come crawling back though. He wants you to feel bad and will expect you to beg forgiveness. When that doesn't come, he will start the love bombing. When he says he is done with you, tell him 'Good, I agree' then block him.

I’ve gone home to get some sleep. He’s at work. Gonna move my tv into my room and tell him to sleep on the sofa whilst I plan what’s going to happen with the house etc. thank you for replies x

Read "why does he do that" by lundy Bancroft. It will explain his abusive behaviour. He sounds like the "water torturer'.
Keep away and good luck.

Reactive abuse is awful. It is deliberately set up to make you doubt yourself and turns things around so you seem like the abuser. Please try to get things sorted to keep yourself safe.
I’m not saying he is narcissistic but this can be helpful in understanding the concept:
https://www.facebook.com/share/MqpKLnk2r1LGUSSM/?mibextid=WC7FNe