….or just normal human flaws.
for additional context I’m a gay man.
after a first date I’m struggling to see whether some stuff that arose were red flags or just the everyday flaws we all have. I was by no means the perfect date myself.
i was pretty nervous at the start and was struggling to make conversation but by the end of the first drink we had both warmed up and he suggested a second. I went up to get it and as I approached the server, she asked me to wait a moment while she helped a colleague at the other end of the bar. It ended up taking a long time. I wasn’t particularly bothered. These things happen in service but when I returned with the drinks he told me he “wouldn’t have put up with that” and that I “seem very passive”.
Then there was some more positive fun conversation but then he told me about a course he was doing for work and a psychological experiment they were told about. When I told how I would approach this experiment he said “yeah because you’re passive”.
he then told me his approach and that apparently he has an oppositional defiant personality (not really a thing) and that if someone is passive he gets annoyed and wants them to assert more but if someone is assertive he also gets annoyed and feels he has to assert more.
Later on we kissed and he made a jokey comment that my ass was “less firm than he was expecting”.
he has a lot of good points too. Very clever and witty which I don’t encounter a lot in OLD. He seems to have a small but varied social circle who all seem like cool people which makes me wonder how bad can he be?