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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nice life but not happy

3 replies

Polly118 · 09/06/2024 15:22

Iam a young 63 married on an old 73 man . We have been together over 30 years and it has been a good marriage with kids and now lots of grandchildren which I adore . We are a very close family which iam very proud of . My husband has always been a very old fashioned loyal hard working man but not very good at anything emotional although through the sad times was always at my side but not emotionally . Why now do I long for someone in my life that will wrap me up and be there for me . I don't want to spend the rest of my life running our life and feeling as iam getting nothing back . We have exhausted this conversation and I get no where . It is like he doesn't understand . I just want someone to let me be me and someone who will be there for me instead of it being the other way round . I feel very guilty about this as I realise how lucky iam in my life but now it is not enough anymore . What do I do ? There is no one else in my life .I could not do that to him.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/06/2024 15:25

I’m younger than you but feel very similar. I’m financially secure if I stay, and I’ll have someone to care for me if I need it, but is this it? No love, no communication.
I want to be loved, to be held. I want to want to travel with someone, and share happy times. Look forward to stuff.

QueensOfTheVolksAge · 09/06/2024 15:35

I have family who have recently separated in their early 70s and late 60s. They have been together over 40 years.

They are both much happier now (especially her! He was also letting her do all the emotional and practical running of their lives, til she had enough). And they have been able to still have each other in their lives, just in separate houses and doing more of what pleases each of them.

How would you feel if he suddenly got ill, and your next twenty years are spent nursing him? You'd have to have a solid base to cope with that .. otherwise it would eat you up with stress and resentment.

Life is so very short. Once it's wasted, you never get it back. Listen to what you need, even if it disrupts the status quo for others. Your needs and wants are valid, and you deserve to live your life for yourself as you wish. It doesn't even mean you don't have to love and care about him any more. Just that it's time for you to listen to yourself, prioritise yourself, now.

Long ago are the days where women were consigned to the scrap heap after 40, to just deal with whatever, because they had settled. We can shake up that narrative. We can own our lives and our precious time on earth.

StellaOlivetti · 09/06/2024 15:40

I could have written your post, @DustyLee123 . Solidarity.

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