Family holiday

[Widow2019]

Where to start.

My husband and I have been married four years his family over this time have been pretty awful to me. I have never said anything hurtful or controversial in return I really do not like conflict.

His brother is high up in the Church of England and decided to ambush me in my home in March to put me in my place.

Fast forward to now hubby is sharing there plans for a week long holiday in July something that I am not included in.

How difficult it is because there isn't room for everyone.

We are Carers and only have 4 weeks respite a year which adds more frustration to this holiday issue. To use a week of your holiday separately when it should be time to decompress together.

I have booked a cottage in Tenby with my children 22, 20, 18 and 13 its going to be so hard to manage emotionally. The hurt he has chosen to hang out with them after all they done and then the underlying grief that my late husband is not with us.

Who are you carers to?

I think she means they are professional carers. I am sorry OP that your partner has decided to go on holiday without you, that doesn't sound very good. You should talk to him about it and tell him you think you should be holidaying together where possible and that your feelings are hurt, you don't want this to become an annual thing.

Just for clarity we offer supported living in our home for adults with Learning Disabilities

Well it sounds like he’s made it clear who are his priority and id be doing the same and putting myself first from now on whether that be with him or not

Your husband is taking a week each year to relax and visit his family without you, perhaps partly to avoid conflict. He needs this time for his mental health, and to decompress as well...given the stress at work, home, your grief, and perhaps other things as well. You two don't have to do everything together.

I'm not understanding why you would want to be included in going on holidays with people you don't get along with...all or some wouldn't have a good time.

Also, you are grieving the loss of an ex husband, and are saddened that he's no longer with you... perhaps that is also taking a toll on your current husband. Maybe he feels like you were never over him and that he was a rebound relationship.

There are times when people need individual personal space...which may include decompression alone time...time away from relationships.

If his family has mistreated you for years, it's on you for allowing it. Why stay in such a situation? If you knew their behavior before marrying, why go through with it? And if you have children, why have them with him?

He will always be connected to his family; they have always been and will always be a part of his life. You need to build your self-esteem and learn to love yourself. If this relationship is hurting you, it might be wise to end it and focus on healing.

If you're not in a good place to enjoy a holiday with your children, consider canceling to prevent a negative experience for everyone. Your husband isn't responsible for your emotional well-being; that's your job. Therapy might help you.

He and his family aren't going to change. Maybe leaving the relationship is the first step to improving your life.

@Widow2019, what did BIL say when he ambushed you? How did your H respond?

@Burntouted All very valid points!

I think it's quite sad that you don't think going on holiday with your kids is good enough. I assume he has only been in their lives for 5-6 years or so, it might be really nice for them to have you to themselves for a week too. They are also grieving their dad.