Boyfriend sleeping at another girl's house (who he used to be romantically involved with)

[Mum2404]

Not going to lie, my boyfriend and I have not been doing great recently, and hes staying at his cousin's house for the time being. We have 2 kids together and he can't drive so I'm just expected to look after the kids for the time being. He's been going out drinking every night with his friends, joking about being in a sad boys club with his recently single friends (he's been telling them we have separated but that's not what I understood we were). I offered him to come for tea on Saturday because noone else is home but me and the kids to spend time with them and talk, but he declined because weeks ago he made plans with his female friend to go and walk her dog. I later find out from him he's made plans to go on a walk then go drinking with her and stay at her house. A month before we got together 6 years ago, he was seeing this girl for about a month and they both seemingly got feelings but nothing obviouslh came of it. I expressed that because of his behaviour and telling all his friends we aren't together at the moment, I've become paranoid about this girl. Its probably just me being irrational but he doesn't care about what I said and has gone anyway. I feel like a crazy person. Help?!

I agree with everyone else - the relationship is clearly over. Both his words and his behaviour are consistent on that point!

Change the locks and claim CMS. Dont accept this loser back in your life, even if he chnages his mind.

Your relationship is over. He is telling his mates he is single and behaving accordingly.

Nope, he can get to fucketty fuck town, not with you!

He is not interested in you he's telling everyone he's single and staying over at a woman's house. A woman he wanted to date in the past.

There's absolutely no dubiety about this. It's as clear as it can be. He's not into you. Sorry OP.

Dump and move on. If that's possible as it seems like you've already been dumped but are clinging on in case he comes back.

There's only one reason he'll be wanting back with you and that's if he wants to use you for sex now and again when it suits him in between his future girlfriends.

Keep your knickers on and your dignity intact and tell him to get lost.

He still has to do his share of the childcare though and paying for them. Make sure he does. And that he doesn't save all his cash to take her out.

Sometimes guys get right into a new woman and forget their responsibilities from previous relationships. Make sure he remembers or you get a claim in as other have said. Sorry OP. He's not the one for you.

I later find out from him he's made plans to go on a walk then go drinking with her and stay at her house.

Him even telling you this is a huge red flag.

Why would anyone tell their partner this, knowing how it’s going to make them feel (let alone actually do it).

Stop letting him call all of the shots and tell him that it’s over for good.

He's not telling his partner though... he's telling his ex. From what he says, and his behaviour, he obviously considers himself to be single. He has said they are separated, and he is acting accordingly.

He's a dick, but I think it's crystal clear he sees the relationship as over.

Sounds like you're separated to me. Your relationship is over, I'd make sure he knows you know that.

Thanks for all the responses. Yes I think our relationship is probably over but he told all his friends that before he made it clear to me that's what he wanted. He just said to me we are going to live separately and put no labels on anything which to me just suggested some physical space. He's all kinds of confusing and definitely has mr wrapped round his little finger.
One minute he's inviting me out for a drink and or wanting s3x, the next he's outright said we aren't together. It's a total mind Fu©k

Yes I think our relationship is probably over but he told all his friends that before he made it clear to me that's what he wanted.

Your relationship is definitely, 100% over.
And he's a dick, so you're well shot of him.

said to me we are going to live separately and put no labels on anything

This is him telling you that you are not together - he might still want sex occasionally, but he doesn't want to be 'tied down' by 'putting labels on it' (i.e. committing to you)

One minute he's inviting me out for a drink and or wanting s3x, the next he's outright said we aren't together.

This is entirely consistent with what he told you about 'not putting labels on it'. He wants to use you for sex when it's convenient, that's all. Next time he comes sniffing around, show him you've grown some self-respect and turn his sorry little dick down!

@Mum2404 One minute he's inviting me out for a drink and or wanting s3x

Based on your other post you have two children under the age of 2 with this man??? Who is clearly just using you for sex? Poor kids.

Oh and it isn't "confusing" at all. He's single and is just getting a shag as and when he can. Whether that's with you or someone else.

Get rid, move on.

I think you have to make the decision to finish it.

He will dick you around as long as you allow him to.

You have to be the one who looks after yourself, he's not going to.

It's painful when relationships end, and daunting, even the horrible ones. But it gets easier and you will recover and be happier without him.

He doesn't want to put a label on it because then you'd get on to CMS.

You are going to do that, aren't you?

Well thanks everyone for your responses. He's now come clean. They didn't sleep together but he invited her over the previous night and they were cuddling in his bed and had to get to a point they needed to discuss not going any further out of respect lol. He knew my insecurities And then it happened again on Saturday night at her house and they were kissing on eachother cheeks? Again had to stop themselves going further. You don't fucking do that with friends. I'm distraught. Yet I'm still the idiot willing to take him back in a heartbeat if he told me he wanted to come home.

He is 100% shagging her.

Has he moved out of yours?

Make a claim with CMS.

No , love, please it's over, it will only drag on because it suits him not to finalise it. He will happily keep you stringing along for years, coming round to see kids and getting in to bed with you. You need to get him to collect all his things, take his key and separate properly. What is your financial situation? Get a CMS claim in and protect yourself. Arrange child access time , he needs to start doing his bit right now, or this could drag on. As long as you are "together " he won't have the kids on his own and you can't move on.

He is minimising and you are only getting a very small part of the story. I'd bet money they are already sleeping together and could be the reason why he moved out in the first place.

He's a total shit. He's left you confused and hurt with 2 very small children to look after. If he had any decency he would be at home helping out. If he had any backbone he would break up with you properly and give you closure. It's pure selfishness and I wish it would turn you off him as its very unattractive.

I don't know if you work but if you don't, get childcare and go out there and work or study and meet other people. If you dont drive learn to drive. It will give you so much confidence and freedom. Please put this selfish pig behind you. Imagine being with him when you're older, frailer and kids are grown up. He'll still be lying to you and out chasing. People like this don't change.

The girl he is has done you a favour. He's now her problem and she's taken this parasite off you. He'll mess her about too.

OP you have to stop this for the sake of your kids if nothing else. Do you want them to think this is how a ‘relationship’ should be? He hasn’t been only cuddling anyone in bed ‘out of respect’. This is such bollocks. He’s a liar, they’re shagging and there is zero respect for you. Please, please develop some respect for yourself and cut him as much from your life as possible.

I'm afraid to say he's checked out, what he's telling people is what he's feeling it's over.
Move on and be strong for your kids and don't try to get him to spend time with you and the kids if he doesn't want to it's his loss.
I would not contact him at all I'd just get on with my life. X

The saddest things about all of this is his choosing anything over coming to see his kids.
OP I went through something very similar when my ex husband left me, he came back for sex over several months and I was so desperate to have him back I’d do anything to keep him nearer, he had completely moved on emotionally.
i really really really wish I had the maturity back then to see what was going on, he had zero respect for me and that has got openly much worse over the years (10 years apart now).
id had my suspicions about the timing of him separating from me as he’d started a new job with more people his age and had talked about relationships between people at work, he clearly wanted a piece of the action as I found messages on his phone when he came back to mine drunk for sex months after leaving telling a girl at work he loves her.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE seek some therapy or whatever you need to do to make sure you’re in the best position to take care of your kids because otherwise you’ll end up spending far too long chasing this narcissist baby man who only cares for himself (and will throw you a bone every now and then to seem like he cares to keep you hooked) and you will 100% regret it as you just need to concentrate on being mum.
it’s incredibly difficult to work all of this out when someone you love appears to change over night but once you’ve got a handle on it you’ll soon see that he’s been playing mind games throughout your relationship putting you in an emotionally vulnerable position.
Take care of yourself and ask for help, do not carry the shame of his behaviour on your shoulder, you’re two separate people now xx