Uncaring husband

[Ripe]

So.. I've got excruciating toothache.. husband heads off to watch sport with a friend late morning. Around lunchtime I text him to say that I'm hoping to get an emergency dental appointment as I'm in such a lot of pain. Didn't hear a thing from him until 7.30pm and I'm sure he only texted then as he wanted a lift from the station!! Needless to say I didn't give him a lift.
He got in about 45 mins ago now and hasn't even come to find me to see how I am etc. I expect he's in a mood because I didn't pick him up!!
This is such typical behaviour from him and I'm sick of it!
We have 3 older children, so I've recently been thinking that maybe I will leave him when they're a bit older but I don't know if I can stay in this relationship. I don't think he even likes me, let alone loves me or cares for me- it's so sad really!
Sorry for the ramble.. tooth killing me so probably not the best grammar etc- just had to get it off my chest.

Ugh what a dick, I'm sorry. I hope you managed to get some relief from the tooth pain. There's no sense staying in a relationship you're unhappy in. If you think it's communication then therapy may help, but if your needs are not being met: leave him.

Toothache is horrendous OP. I really sympathise.
Horrible uncaring behaviour from your DH. And from what you say it's typical of how he behaves towards you. I think you are right to look at your options for carving out a life without him. Being with someone who shows no love or care towards you is soul destroying.

Sending u my best wishes OP. When you are pain free is probably the best time to evaluate your relationship. Take care.

Do not remain in such a relationship till the children are that much older, what on earth is the point of doing that?. That’s just you kicking the can down the road. Staying for their supposed sake won’t make things any easier for you, or them for that matter.

I'm sorry he is treating you so poorly. I hope you can get relief soon.

I look back at a similar incident with my STBXH and wonder why I stuck around after that. I was in agony in the middle of the night, crying in pain, and said I needed to get stronger pain killers. He let me drive myself to the all night pharmacy in a state. The following day he let me drive to the emergency dentist. I was in no state and was nearly hospitalised.

This was one example of the uncaring things he did. It took me 3.5 years to realise I deserved more.

I really hope you feel better soon but think about what you want from your relationship. He has shown you how much he cares.

Yes this is just one example for me too.. he is always doing things like this and I am so sick of it. All he thinks about is himself.
Sorry to hear you experienced similar but I'm pleased to hear you've got out of that toxic relationship. Have you got children?
Thank you for your reply x

You are so right.. it is completely soul destroying! There's so much more to this story- tonight is just the tip of the iceberg really and I think it may have tipped me over the edge! Thank you X

I know you're right about not staying for the children but it is hard as they're autistic and I know they would find the change very difficult.
To be honest he is a pretty useless Dad too- he shows very little interest in them at all.. but they love him and because he doesn't show them much interest when he does they love it- it's sad really! X

Yes, two children- one primary and one secondary age. Very early days in terms of the separation but they are coping well. Without being outing, there are reasons why they may have struggled with it but they’ve been amazing.

Children love their parents anyway, no matter how crap they are. In your case as well he shows little to no interest in them and in addition he is sending them mixed messages. He is certainly doing his bit here to teach them harmful lessons about relationships and showing that his attention is conditional. All he cares about is his own self.

Start getting organised quietly.
Detach from him emotionally.
Do nothing for him in the house.
Start go de clutter.
Calculate how you will manage financially.
Reach out for support

Tooth has been pulled out this morning 🎉.
Thank you so much for all your replies. I need to start getting things in order. I cannot stay with someone who doesn't love me or even cares for me.
I'm on Carer's Allowance because of my children's needs so can only work/earn a small amount.. so I need to look into finances etc.
I'm not sure where he will go as he has no family- so that's slways been a concern too.
Life is too short and after years of putting other's needs before my own, I now need to start thinking of myself.
Thank you again for your kind words x

Honestly OP I couldn't bear to be in the same house as anyone who showed little interest in my kids. Especially if they were the dad.

I know it's so sad.. occasionally he'll be a bit more interested but most the time there's very little there- he'll say he's exhausted from work on weekdays, then drinks with mates at the weekend so often spends most the weekend on the sofa with a hangover (exhausted 🙄). The kids are so used to it- I think they think it's normal for Dads to be like that.
It's rare he ever comes out with us- all our day trips etc are just me and the children- people have commented on it as they see photos on FB etc and he's never there! X

The kids are so used to it- I think they think it's normal for Dads to be like that.

Which is why it's important you show them that it's not normal and unacceptable, so that they don't carry on the cycle with any future relationships they might have.

I'm glad your tooth has been seen to. Hopefully as that heals your strength will grow for what you need to do. Good luck to you