My husband passed away nearly 3 years ago after a year long battle with cancer. Our children are now 13 & 10. Last year I met someone and we have been in a relationship for 1 year. The children know and have met him. They have been very positive about him & are happy when he is around. Due to his work there isn’t any sort of pattern to when he spends the night here but we have had dinner together both at home & out as well as meeting for a few walks. Everything is going well & I’m happy apart from that I haven’t met his son yet and it’s down to his ex not him.
I understand it is difficult for split familes but I’d like us to be able to move forward and I don’t feel we can until we are ‘allowed’ to include his son. We have talked about it and he has said that he has mentioned a few times (to his ex) that he wants his son to meet me and eventually my kids too but she always responds with ‘you know you can spring this on me’.
I feel like his ex controls his time with his son. She doesn’t let their son stay overnight at his (He is 6 now so is able to have a say about what he’d like to do) or to see his family. They have been split for about 4 years now. She has recently met someone who lives about 5hrs drive away. She has introduced him to their son. She goes to visit her new BF some weekends and my BF goes and sleeps on the sofa in their house rather than have their son come to his, where he does have space.
There isn't a regular access arrangement, but it seems to have always been amicable & suits because my husbands work is not regular days/times but his ex works around him snd he's grateful for getting to see his son. I understand he doesn’t want to ‘rock the boat’ and he wants to keep everything friendly for the sake of his son. We have discussed him talking to his ex about their son staying at his place on the weekends where she is away & I suggested the summer holidays would a good time to introduce it as it wouldn’t get in the way of school routine & they have a more regular arrangement over the holidays as my BFs work is based around college term time.
Am i expecting too much? I’m not pushing for his son to suddenly be part of our lives but id like my BF to be free to do what hed like to do with his son. Is this unreasonable? I do approach the subject around the times where his ex is away and my BF stays on the sofa mainly because he gets up at 4am to be at her house so she can get an early flight to see her BF & I think its silly that his son cant stay at his on the Friday & Saturday night.
This is all new to me!