Advice

[Stylishmissy90]

I’m not normally one to vent about stuff like this but I feel at wit ends at the moment.

me and same sex partner have been together for years. A couple of years ago she had started making purchases on catalogs in my name which to cut a long story short has put me into debt with the company because of missed payments over the time. Obviously I had no control over these purchases been done but I did know about them after they arrived to house. There’s been some
argumenrs lately about this because my credit scores is put down so low and I’ve received several letters in the past months saying about payments not being paid. One I cannot afford to pay these and two I don’t feel I should have to when I never made them or consented to the purchases. The usual reasons for not paying them are usually along the lines of her having her own to pay etc etc but I can’t argue it enough that if you already have so many bills in your own name already then it’s not right to then go doing stuff in partners name especially as neither of us are even on high incomes. I feel like she doesn’t take any responsibility to her actions what so ever The company advised me to open a claim about it due to the fact there’s so many missed payments and also because they don’t think it’s right for my credit be lowered so much by it all when I’m not doing any of it. I don’t even know the account log ins! Am I in the wrong for opening the claim? I can’t see any unreasonable behaviour on my end ? I always say that if someone gave any damn to the person they’re with they’d never have gotten their partner into debt in the first place. Just feels I’m made out the one in the wrong always I’m just genuinely concerned.

It's fraud. You need to report it.

You are being financially abused. You should definitely open a claim and also think about leaving your partner

You need to respond to every letter in ur name, stating you didn’t take out the credit agreement. And you need to ditch ur lying partner

Opening a claim? I'd be fucking reporting to the police.

You know what she is doing is theft right?
And, fraud. Not paying for what sgebotlrdered and, having them delivered in your name.

Ultimatum time. She pays everything now and gets the fuck out. Or, you go to the police.

And obviously, dump her.

*she ordered

I’m not going mental here then or being the one in the wrong! It makes me sad to even be saying all this about my partner but it’s making me feel so miserable that there is always justification for it all. The bills were done a year ago and she already had her own stuff to pay at the time in her own name last year. I’ve told her about the fact I need to do that and she is practically just going at me saying about if she gets into trouble etc

Honestly had this been anyone else I’d be saying exactly the same first time round but there has honestly always been a level of lenience on my end because of it being my partner and the fact she justifies everything

Aww diddims for the poor wee thief, my heart beads for her. I mean how dare you not let her get you in debt, ruin your credit score amd steal your identity.

'Sandra, call them right now and pay them or we are over and I am reporting you to the police for fraud'. And have everything on loudspeaker so you can hear the payment clear. If she can't afford it then she needs to tell them she bought the items, give them her name and insure the debt is transferred to her, ideally, at her parents house. Because she isn't staying with you anymore.

She is abusive and you need to stop trying to convince her she is in the wrong. She KNOWS she is. She just wants you to feel crazy in thinking it so she can keep stealing from people in your name. She belongs in a jailcell amd I doubt you're the first person she has defrauded.

I fully believe what you’re saying. I don’t agree with it in the slightest and maybe there’s a level of too much leniance on my end. She’s not genuinely a bad person at all but when it comes to money I have never been able to trust her in that department. I would honestly imagine that reporting this legally would either result in her then saying she hadn’t done it or her refusing then to pay them full stop to be honest. She’d never afford to pay a thousand pounds off that’s the problem right now and I cannot prove I didn’t make the orders

I wouldn't be surprised if she has a police record tbh.

People who aren't genuinely bad, don't do what she's done.

The only exception might be that she has a shopping addiction, has ruined her own credit and is now therfore using yours. Bit that's not an excuse. It just moves her from 'lying evil asshole con artist' territory into 'lying, mentally unstable con artist with addiction'. Neither is a good person really.

Fuck knows what other things she's taken out in your name. I think I'd try get her to pay first. Then go to the police either way. I also think you need to move ASAP before bailiffs start showing up.

Fully agree. Good people do make bad decisions too and I feel that may be what’s happening here rather than malicious intent. But as you say it’s no excuse. I’d never personally dream of making purchases on someone else’s account especially my partners! But the fact me going on to her about it is furthermore causing arguments between us but what do I do, sit back waiting for the next letter stating I’m not paying bills!

update
it’s now about partner saying I’m not loyal at all to her or in any right making a claim on catalog to say it wasn’t me doing these transactions she literally does not see it from perspective of it being offense to go making purchases I the first place in someone’s name but to keep missing payments and knowing the stress on my end of that

SHE.DOES.KNOW.

She absolutely gets it.

Part of the abuser m.o is to convince you that they just don't understand why (obviously) shit behaviour, is shit.

It's gaslighting. Convincing you you have no right to feel hurt by obviously hurtful behaviour.

Stop having conversations with her and go to the police.