Please help me get back on the dating bike

[Justkeepswiimming]

Can I have some tips on how to get back on the dating bike as it were. I was with my ex husband since I was 17. We have been separated for 4 years now. In the time I've rebuilt my life. Tried to work on myself and reflect on the part I've played.

In that time I've dabbled with old apps, which I just found hideously demeaning. And ridiculously time consuming. I've had one date in the last 4 years. Concludes I wasn't ready and didn't bother again. One random drunken fumble a while ago. That is it and I'm now convinced if I don't try again now I never will. I'm already pretty nervous about the whole thing.

How do other people do it. I'm 35. It's been nearly 20 years. Christ I can't believe I just said that 🤣

Well done on rebuilding your life!

I think you just need to do the apps but set yourself some rules/boundaries. Like:

1. How often you'll use them - twice a week? An hour a day? Whatever suits you. Easy to be on there constantly and it can drain the life out of you.

1. How long you'll talk to someone before an actual date is set. For me I thought three days. I don't want a pen pal.

1. And I wanted the guy to initiate the date/ask me out.

1. Do you want to speak before the date? For me I did. So a phone call, again within a short time of 'meeting' on the app.

1. I found it much less nerve wracking shifting my mindset from 'am I good enough and I hope they like me' to 'I am absolutely good enough and I'm going to focus on whether I like them.' Fuck what they think.

1. Beyond that, ummatch anyone that can't ask questions, demonstrate a sense of humour, doesn't actually want to go on a proper date/invites you to theirs as a first date, gets too sexual right away etc. Also obviously bin off the 'doesnt take life too seriously!' and 'dont want any drama' jokers.

It's awful, you have my sympathies. But much more tolerable if you kind of have your rules.

Thanks @Donutbed thise are really useful tips!