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Original poster

Wedding Anniversary Ruined

48 replies

NoNameNonsense · 08/06/2024 16:19

I need some advice please.. I think I already know the answer so maybe I just need to vent.

Today is my wedding anniversary, it’s a big one and a milestone so very important to me. I told DH I wanted to celebrate so asked him to make a reservation at my favourite restaurant.

He told me last night he was going for dinner with a friend from overseas. I said fine but please don’t be too late or drink too much as today is very important.

Anyway, we are supposed to go for dinner in 2 hours and DH can’t get out of bed he is throwing up because he drank too much. He decided to go clubbing after until 2/3am in the morning and now we have to cancel dinner.

I am obviously very upset, made worse by the fact that he is playing the victim saying it wasn’t planned and he didn’t mean to get to drunk. It seems like he doesn’t care and I can’t stop crying.

A day that is so important to me clearly means nothing to him. I now want to throw the towel in completely, this amongst feeling fairly miserable for a while but I don’t know if I’m overreacting and it’s a silly thing to end a marriage over.

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 08/06/2024 16:23

Has this ever happened before? How long have you been married? Is it a one off first time shocker?

Fridayyyyyyy · 08/06/2024 16:23

I think you are hugely over reacting. I totally appreciate that you are upset, but I guess he was just having a good time with friends he'd not seen for a long time? I'm also sure he didn't mean to get so drunk that he was sick.

Certainly NOT worth getting a divorce over !!!

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/06/2024 16:24

I think the feeling miserable for a while is the biggest issue. What’s the cause of that?

BakedTattie · 08/06/2024 16:24

I’d go for the meal on my own and take my
merry time.

LizzieBennett73 · 08/06/2024 16:25

Wow, that's a deep shit level of insensitive.

If he can't control his alcohol intake when he knows he's got something special planned for the next day, he's a thoughtless arse at best.

crenellations · 08/06/2024 16:26

it wasn’t planned and he didn’t mean to get to drunk.

Bollocks.

Clearly he made the choice to keep drinking so either he wanted to or was too weak-willed to say no.

That said, I'd be pissed off, both at the not caring and the playing the victim excuses, but forgive if it's a one-off and he's a considerate partner the rest of the time. If it's a pattern of behaviour then look at the bigger picture.

Bestyearever2024 · 08/06/2024 16:29

If he's not done this sort of insensitive shit before, ever, I'd be annoyed but let it go this time and change the reservation to tomorrow

If he's regularly a tosser, why are you surprised? I'd make sure i enjoy myself without him and ensure I buy myself a lovely gift too....from the joint account

crayfishyum · 08/06/2024 16:34

. I told DH I wanted to celebrate so asked him to make a reservation at my favourite restaurant.

you “told” him. perhaps he didn’t want to celebrate it.

and how come you couldn’t make the reservation?

Original poster
NoNameNonsense · 08/06/2024 16:51

Thank you for all your comments I have read them. It has happened once or so in the past but he doesn’t have form for it.

A middle aged man going out clubbing on a Friday night with young children at home just sort of gives me the ick. Being miserable stems from feeling like he doesn’t listen to me, I do have to acknowledge my hormones are a bit out of control and I am getting overly emotional about things in general but I feel like today was the day to show that actually he cares. Whereas rest of the time I feel a bit taken from granted.

Thank you all for the advice, I called my friend who said they will join me. DH can pay and I’ll be ordering a bottle of very nice booze.

OP posts:
crayfishyum · 08/06/2024 16:53

OP you told him that you wanted to celebrate and told him precisely what to do

you don’t seem to have asked him whether he wanted to celebrate

and quite clearly…. he didn’t want to. And you going out with your friend and leaving him for a night in by himself is probably the celebration he wanted

MaryBeardsShoes · 08/06/2024 16:55

crayfishyum · 08/06/2024 16:53

OP you told him that you wanted to celebrate and told him precisely what to do

you don’t seem to have asked him whether he wanted to celebrate

and quite clearly…. he didn’t want to. And you going out with your friend and leaving him for a night in by himself is probably the celebration he wanted

Nah! He shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place if he didn’t want to go. Like a proper adult. Absolutely shitty behaviour to do this. YANBU OP, have fun with your friend.

Original poster
NoNameNonsense · 08/06/2024 16:57

crayfishyum · 08/06/2024 16:53

OP you told him that you wanted to celebrate and told him precisely what to do

you don’t seem to have asked him whether he wanted to celebrate

and quite clearly…. he didn’t want to. And you going out with your friend and leaving him for a night in by himself is probably the celebration he wanted

Yes you are right sometimes you have to take things for surface value.

I was excited to celebrate but he obviously he is not/doesn’t care. I assume everybody would want to celebrate an anniversary including DH. Clearly I’m wrong there!

OP posts:
Original poster
NoNameNonsense · 08/06/2024 16:57

MaryBeardsShoes · 08/06/2024 16:55

Nah! He shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place if he didn’t want to go. Like a proper adult. Absolutely shitty behaviour to do this. YANBU OP, have fun with your friend.

Show quote history

Thank you

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 08/06/2024 16:58

Obviously I don't know your budget. But - can you book a nice hotel room for after your meal so you can have a drink?
Tell him as you are leaving that you will see him tomorrow.
Turn your phone off. Enjoy your meal. Then enjoy a luxury bed to yourself, a lie in & room service breakfast. Make this your anniversary present as he cannot be arsed.

Original poster
NoNameNonsense · 08/06/2024 17:29

CoffeeBeansGalore · 08/06/2024 16:58

Obviously I don't know your budget. But - can you book a nice hotel room for after your meal so you can have a drink?
Tell him as you are leaving that you will see him tomorrow.
Turn your phone off. Enjoy your meal. Then enjoy a luxury bed to yourself, a lie in & room service breakfast. Make this your anniversary present as he cannot be arsed.

Thank you, that’s a brilliant idea! I think this does come down to him not being arsed, as opposed to me “telling him” because ultimately he did make the reservation and probably wouldn’t have done so if he didn’t want to go.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 08/06/2024 17:35

Even if he doesn’t see much meaning in anniversaries etc you told him clearly that it’s something that means a lot to you. This is the point.

He knew what it meant to you and still decided to let you down and disregard your feelings.

RichardsGear · 08/06/2024 17:43

Today is my wedding anniversary, it’s a big one and a milestone so very important to me. I told DH I wanted to celebrate so asked him to make a reservation at my favourite restaurant.

It's just this...maybe it's the way you've worded it but it seems a bit...odd? It's my wedding anniversary, not ours, it's very important to me, not us, I want to celebrate so I told him to book my favourite restaurant. It comes over like your husband is the concierge to whom you happen to be married!

I get that you're upset because you feel taken for granted, but that's something to work on all year round; not by trying to make one night a massive big deal when your husband obviously doesn't see it the same way.

Beautifulbythebay · 08/06/2024 17:47

My dh ruined my 40th. He was an exh before I was 41..
Don't settle for this shitty behaviour op.

Original poster
NoNameNonsense · 08/06/2024 17:47

RichardsGear · 08/06/2024 17:43

Today is my wedding anniversary, it’s a big one and a milestone so very important to me. I told DH I wanted to celebrate so asked him to make a reservation at my favourite restaurant.

It's just this...maybe it's the way you've worded it but it seems a bit...odd? It's my wedding anniversary, not ours, it's very important to me, not us, I want to celebrate so I told him to book my favourite restaurant. It comes over like your husband is the concierge to whom you happen to be married!

I get that you're upset because you feel taken for granted, but that's something to work on all year round; not by trying to make one night a massive big deal when your husband obviously doesn't see it the same way.

Tbh that’s just the way I was writing it’s his favourite restaurant too and obviously our anniversary. But I’m writing from my perspective hence why I used the word “my.”

I agree because I put a large emphasis on today it’s all come to a head.

OP posts:
Cupcake333333 · 08/06/2024 17:49

crayfishyum · 08/06/2024 16:34

. I told DH I wanted to celebrate so asked him to make a reservation at my favourite restaurant.

you “told” him. perhaps he didn’t want to celebrate it.

and how come you couldn’t make the reservation?

Yep she told him.. what's your point. It's her hubby... She can tell him and what's this rubbish perhaps he didn't want to celebrate.. it's going out to bloody dinner not a party for 1000 people or going on a world trip. It's just dinner. I'm sure he can make it to dinner without being too put out. As for who makes the reservation... you are one odd and petty person. I ask my hubby to do this all the time guess what ITS NORMAL.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 08/06/2024 17:51

I'm glad you're going to get your celebration OP, you sound lovely and you deserve it!

It is shit of him though, usually I'm quite a chilled person and always agree you should just take yourself to nice places if you want to go! But a big anniversary is different. It's not a celebration of an anniversary if he's not there, it's a monument to how little he cares. No matter how you look at it, sorry. And missing his big wedding anniversary because he wanted to party and drink with teenagers is really pathetic.

wafflesmgee · 08/06/2024 17:53

I would be upset by this too. My husband's doesn't like presents/anniversary celebrations but knows ido, so if we discuss and agree something like you did with yours, mine would go through with it because he loves me and he knows it's important to me to feel loved.
I'm sorry your husband doesn't value your feelings above his own, that is very shitty.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 08/06/2024 18:03

Unless there is a massive steep feed coming. Be cross and then get over it. Re book your reservation for another night.

Ahwig · 08/06/2024 18:11

My mum's boss would take his staff and their partners out at Christmas to a very posh restaurant for a very expensive dinner/dance. My mum was very much looking forward to it and the boss was also paying for them to stay at a west end hotel for the night. Mum had gone to work and was meeting dad at the hotel about 6 ish. My dad went out on the same day at lunch time to a mini Christmas bash and got quite drunk. He got home about 2 ish. I'd broken up for Christmas so was home.
All he kept saying was " your mum's gonna kill me, I have to sober up" after 3 strong black coffees and a bit of vomiting and a load of mouthwash, he was good ish to go. He felt rubbish but told me he had to suck it up because he cocked up and he couldn't ruin something that was important to my mum. His alcohol bill for the night was cheap though, he drunk a little of sparkling water 😂

somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 08/06/2024 18:18

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/06/2024 16:24

I think the feeling miserable for a while is the biggest issue. What’s the cause of that?

Yes, this.

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