Is this narcissistic?

[Lunamolly3]

My boyfriend was visiting his mum in another city and we made plans to buy an engagement ring the next day, We were texting till around 2am. The next day he texted me at 2pm to say he's just woken up l, i replied hed have to hurry over if we were getting the ring, he didn't answer my texts or calls then untill after 11pm. He just said he was sleeping, I asked if he had gone to bed so late why he hadn't texted to cancel. He said he had no charger then changed it to his phone was on silent. We have been dating 4 years. We are in our 40's. I feel like he is a liar.

I wanted to belive the nice things he was saying were true

But you don't. So, given that you know he's a liar, why are you trying to come up with another name for what he is, rather than making your plans to leave? If we tell you he's a narcissist, what difference will it make to your actions? Or are you just occupying your thoughts with this question so that you don't need to make a decision you don't want to make?

I think we are all guilty of trying to find reason, for it to make sense, to fit it in a box and it be tidy. I think it’s called cognitive dissonance, holding two opposed thoughts in the same mind, it’s confusing. We need to find weight for one of the thoughts to win.

Do you know much about narcissism?

there is no way people on the internet can diagnose a mental health disorder, especially based on such limited information.

do you think he is mentally ill? Being selfish, or abusive, or just a bit of an arse doesn’t mean he is narcissistic. Sounds like he doesn’t really respect you and sounds like he didn’t want to go ring shopping.

It's part of a bigger picture. He is always telling me he wants to get married, then he has done this, then downplayed it afterwards. It's someone telling you how much they love you then doing things like this.

That doesn’t necessarily mean he has a mental illness though.

do you hope it’s a mental health issue so you can justify his behaviour?

to be honest I think he’s just not a very nice person, and it doesn’t sound like he loves or values you.

I get your point, him having a mental illness wouldn't make any difference. I think I just wanted to run it past other people as i was upset and he has downplayed it. I feel like a mug and yet he will stand there and swear he loves me and wants to marry me.its like he believes himself.

If he hasn't married you in 4 years, he doesn't want to.

OK thank you

It's 4 years in and he's literally ditched you entirely on the day you were going to go ring shopping.

It can't be any clearer that a. He's never going to marry you. And b. He's not marriage material.

Dump him and get on with your life away from headwrecking twats.

I also suggest you YouTube the term 'a shut-up ring'. Because thats what it is if he gives you a ring now.

maybe he wants to buy the ring himself and do a suprise proposal?

If he did he would have done it.

You don't avoid your gf and stress and upset her as he has if you love her. You show up first thing that morning with the ring.

And even if he did turn up with a ring now, it would be a straight up hellllll no. Because he's been so emotionally stunted/passive aggressive that he let her be stressed and upset all day. That's not partner material. That's someone who doesn't give a fuck about your feelings (at best) or, is giving you a 'just shut up ring' and wants you to know that's exactly what it is.

what 40 something year old sleeps in until 2pm?!?!

Agree with this, the term 'narcissist,' seems to be bandied around for any kind of out of order behaviour at the moment.

I'm not sure about being a narcissist but he's sure as hell a pointless partner. He won't change OP, I'd pack it in and move on.