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Original poster

Online dating- is calling straight away normal?

10 replies

Sundaycoffee · 08/06/2024 11:56

Matched with a guy online yesterday afternoon. We chatted for about 15 mins while I was on the train going out for the evening. I then apologised and said I was going to be out and busy so wouldn't be replying for a bit. He asked for my number and I gave it to him (wouldn't usually but its pretty rare I see a guy online that I like the look and sound of and the chat was going well, so I thought why not)
He messaged me later that night saying it was really nice speaking to me and to get in touch over the weekend. I replied this morning and then 5 mins later my phone starts ringing and it's him. I was busy so didn't answer (and a bit taken aback)
Maybe I'm too used to people matching and not speaking or taking ages to reply/ghosting after a few messages so it felt a little aggressive to me. Would have been a bit different had he asked me if I was happy to speak on the phone/could we arrange a time but just to call out of the blue caught me a bit off guard!
AIBU and should appreciate the effort or is moving faster like this a bit of a red flag?

OP posts:
DaughterNo2 · 08/06/2024 12:05

You gave him your number. Some people prefer to speak on the phone.
I don’t think it’s a red flag necessarily

SunriseSunsets · 08/06/2024 12:07

It use to be back when I was dating, I find it sad now everything is a "red flag" and people only want to message and never speak to the person only text, I use to be able to tell much better if I wanted to meet someone by a phone conversation than just messages

Plantmother71 · 08/06/2024 12:26

I have a few friends who spend a lot of time trying to find matches through OLD. There are some weird people on there - so maybe he’s cautious and found that real conversations help to save weeks texting someone who may not be who they say they are. One of my friends face times - that way she knows the person is who they say they are, or that the uploaded photos are not 20 years out of date (no kidding, one actually was a 60yo passing himself off as a 40yo). Not necessarily a red flag to phone you and maybe you’ll get a feel for if there’s a spark there or genuine interest?

seensome · 08/06/2024 13:53

It's not usually the done thing to call someone without arranging to first. I think it's a bit too forward, it can be nerve wracking, the first call so a bit of notice first is polite and respectful, him calling is a bit me me me. He's a stranger and you don't owe him that much of your time before a date, I'd drop anyone that seems too demanding.

Seaoftroubles · 08/06/2024 13:59

Having a chat on the phone pretty soon can be helpful as you can get a better idea if you want to meet or not. But phoning you without pre arranging a convenient time is not OK and l wouldn't have answered even if l was free. It just indicates thoughtlessness to me.

SamW98 · 08/06/2024 15:13

I think it’s more normal to ask if you fancy a chat before calling you. Most people tend to message first then agree to do a phone call before meeting. I’d find it a bit rude, pushy and presumptuous to call without checking first. I wouldn’t pick up.

I had a guy that within minutes of giving ny number tries to video call and got abusive when I didn’t pick up saying I must have something to hide and I’m obviously a catfish.

Other than that, everyone I’ve matched with then spoken to on phone we’ve discussed and agreed to call. It’s just manners to make sure it’s ok.

RockingBeebo · 08/06/2024 18:53

A bit different but I met my partner out dancing, we messaged a few times next day then suddenly the day after he suddenly video called me. I was shocked. I didn't answer, I was out and busy. I definitely saw it as a red flag and was freaked out. I must have said something to him, he never did it again, and 2.5 years later I can confirm it was not a red flag. Wait and see.

Catandsquirrel · 09/06/2024 18:16

I agree with several responses.

Fine to ring. I'd have one call pre dates often to confirm we were who we said we were and could hold a conversation (obv didn't say that directly!!) .
. However it's also a bit gauche to assume a stranger has the time and inclination. More usual to arrange beforehand.

Some men would want to talk for hours every night, it was ridiculous!! Watch out for that. It's very timewastey, they just seemed to want female attention without commitment. I indulged a couple when I'd just moved house and was at a bit of a loose end socially and they didn't really lead anywhere, just seemed happy gassing away! Thing is, it's time consuming and I'd always advise against investing so much time until you meet

Opentooffers · 09/06/2024 19:16

Only happened once to me, unfortunately I answered and then proceeded to have a very odd conversation with someone quite strange and it weirdly deteriorated, so I hung up and blocked him. Then he appeared on the site with a different username and pic, twice, was definitely him though, so I reported him.

SunriseSunsets · 09/06/2024 19:20

Opentooffers · 09/06/2024 19:16

Only happened once to me, unfortunately I answered and then proceeded to have a very odd conversation with someone quite strange and it weirdly deteriorated, so I hung up and blocked him. Then he appeared on the site with a different username and pic, twice, was definitely him though, so I reported him.

Well isn't it better he called and you found out he was a weirdo rather than meeting up with him? This is just another good reason why phone calls before meeting is a good thing

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