feel like I will never satisfy him sexually

[fedupwithhisdemands]

I just feel like I will never satisfy him sexually.
I thought that our sex life was quite good - we must have sex twice a week, and the longest he has ever gone without is about 2 weeks.
He has a much bigger sex drive than me. I would be happy to have sex once a month tbh.
But this isnt enough for him. He tells me that our sex life is non-existent. But I am giving WAY more than I actually want!
And he says sex isnt exciting. Well

1. If he wakes me up in the morning / after I have gone to bed to have sex and AGREES to have sex although I am half asleep, then I really dont think he is being fair. No it wasnt exciting, but YOU WOKE ME UP!!!!
2. I cant give him sex as often as he wants AND make it exciting. I dont just lie back by any means, and enjoy different positions etc, but I have a problem with sex toys / dressing up / handcuffs etc. I have no experience, he is my only sexusal partner, and it all scares me a bit. And to make it worse, I was brought up in a very religious family, and sex was never discussed. It was even frowned upon. So I have lots of issues anyway. We have an 18 month old dd, I am constantly tired, but I STILL try to have sex as often as he wants. But he makes no allowances for how I feel.

Or just go with what VictorianSqualor says - much better articulated than I ever could!

Good luck It is so worth it. Sorry to get all Cosmo, but you deserve great sex and there's nothing wrong with applying a bit of self-interest to get it.

Does he know you don't orgasm? Tell him that if he actually made a bit more effort into helping you orgasm you might fancy sex rather then feeling pestered into it?

FWIW, DP hates it if he gets a 'duty shag', I'm sure everyone knows the sort!
The 'I really cant be bothered but we havent done it for a few days so I suppose I should' type, where you could happily watch Eastenders over their shoulder and 'Are you done yet' is on the tip of your tongue.

He much prefers it to be on my terms, me wanting it and flirting with him beforehand. Great sex can be built up all day, from a cheeky smile in the morning to little flirtatious laughs and jokes throughout the day until the actual deed happens, by then not only will he be gagging for it, you'll feel in control and probably pretty horny yourself from seeing the power you have over him.

There is a huge difference between your fella making it obvious how much he is dying to be with you and him acting like (As Jordan so wonderfully put it) 'A desperate dog'.

duty shag is a perfect term!

Do you think I should text him (can't call him at work) and ask him to be more romantic? That would give him a chance to think about it today and give him a chance to get a semi-decent shag tonight, instead of the 'duty' one I can see coming....

It's upto you, personally I'd tell him that I was expecting dinner and wine and would be making myself look beautiful whilst he sorted it. What time does he get in from work? Would you eb able to be in the bath when he got home?
I'd then disappear to the bath and leave him to it, then flirt with him through dinner and see how it went.
It's all well and good telling him to be romantic but his idea and your ideas might be totally different. Take the lead.

omg he just called me.
I told him I had been thinking about our sex life, and that I agree it is crap. And that I often have sex not because I want to etc etc.

and I told him that if he wants our sex life to improve he needs to make me WANT to have sex with him. He said how. I siad by being more romantic. I told him that if I can see he is making the effort, I will too. He said, ok that is reasonble.

omg!! I hope this works.

Anna
Not everyone reaches orgasm through penetration.

Crumbs Fedup, I think you must be some kind of saint. My dh would be frightened to wake me in the morning (I am not a morning person)

I agree with VS, maybe gradually change things around - once a week of the "good" sex is mabe better than twice a week of the duty shag variety...? If he wants more, then he'll have to please himself.

PS
My dh would be delighted to get it twice a week.

I'm starting to fell sorry for DH...

yes VS - his idea of romantic is probably giving me a grope while I wash up! lol
I also told him sex toys etc etc are not my thing. He said ok.

Bloody hell. I have the feeling we might just make some progress here...

Just try not to think of him as an arsehole that is pressuring you, but a man you love who is just as unhappy with your sex life as you are.

Well done fed up!. Keep that talking about it thing going.

Your dh is probably just unaware - and hopefully now he knows what will make you happy will give it a go.

Keep it up and let him know what you would personally like him to do too... Help eachother that way.

have you suggested taking a break from it for 2 weeks then going away for the night, leaving DS with suitable childcare. maybe then you'd be really up for it and feeling a bit less tired. then you could explain that ith some patience and effort on his part it could be like that more often.

like the 'duty shag' description