Friendship - should I stick it out?

[OneCoolGreyZebra]

I made a new friend two years ago. Her 3 kids are the same age as mine.
My husband and I got on well with her and her husband.
We hung out regularly. We were always making family plans, it was ace.

About a year into the friendship she made a new group of friends for her daughter, which didn’t include mine, I was fine with that, thought it was odd at the time that my daughter wasn’t included as they were best friends. But just got on with it. (our girls were 8 when we all met)

My daughter would occasionally hear from school that her friend was off doing things with this group, it bothered her a bit why she wasn't included so after about a year I arranged a group date and didn’t include any of them as they were already in their own splinter group. My friend always said how she wanted her kid to have lots of friends so I decided if it was good for the goose…

I’m not sure if this is what started the decline of our friendship.

Around this time there was another friend of mine whose daughter goes to school with mine, she was consistently mean to my kid. After several times of the girl hitting my daughter, I spoke with her mum. It didn’t go well,so my friendship with her ended.

What happens next, my friend from the first paragraph starts inviting the mean kid for sleepovers and abruptly stops all communication with me and hasn't invited my daughter to anything ever again. They had nothing to do with each other before. This has been going on for a year.

I don’t think I have done anything wrong. I have analysed this for months to try and recall if I've said or done something. I'm sad my friendship with the first person has ended. It is odd because when I see her she is always polite. We see each other now weekly in our younger kids playgroup and always have a nice chat.

I do recall while typing this that about 10 months ago she was aloof for a time on school drop off but I put it down to being busy, not seeing me, being in a hurry with her baby.

What’s odd is if I message her she responds politely but she never instigates. But in the meantime she has carried on having the girl who was mean over for sleepovers and seems closer to the mum.

I feel let down, we were close, I valued the friendship and had a lot ofrespect for her.

I had a justifiabl issue with the other woman, which she knew about, but instead of being my friend she stepped in to support them and dropped us.

I'm confused. If her kid had an issue with someone else I’d have listened and supported, not gone on the other ones side.

I do wonder if it’s because I made a play date without her kid… but as I said, she arranges play dates without mine all the time and I didn’t get offended.

I keep trying to be open in the hope it'll all click back into place but I feel I'm being punished for something...

This is so so true!!!!

This. ‘School Mum’ friendships ebb and flow as kids move through school, change classes, or get a new best friend (and this can be because of something really simple like sitting at the same table for lunch or both finding out they have a shared interest in worms - anything). Maybe your daughter and hers don’t get along anymore. Maybe your DD said something mean to hers (I’m not judging your DD - she’s a kid - they bitch a lot!). Maybe the mum is friends with the mum because of a shared love of Strictly Come Dancing or their DD’s are in the same gymnastics class, etc. etc. By the time the kids hit secondary school the vast majority of the mum friends will be relegated to Facebook friends and you will rarely if ever see them again. Focus on your real friendships. If you’re lucky you might develop real friendships with a few of the mums. I’m still friends with three of the mums from nursery (from 18 years ago). Our girls do not get on AT ALL and haven’t spoken to each other since they were about 11 but we still see each other once or twice a month. Don't fixate on this one friendship, extend your friendship groups, and move on from worrying about this. You can bet she isn’t. TBH I think her behaviour is perfectly normal. These friendships aren’t secure or static.

Thanks. Your advise is welcomed. I should delete it.