A question for those of you whose dh has had an affair

[mincepiemamma]

My dh had an affair and we've just finished counselling and have decided to stay together. The only thing is that I still don't want him to touch me ..at all. How do you ever get to the stage where you are able to have sex again and how long did it take.

Never had this problem - sex was not a problem in the beginning although i have to admit that after a year it did start to again.

I think i put the thoughts out of my mind and just did 'sex' it is the making love i have difficulty with . I feel it had something to do with the competion - i wanted to 'prove' i was as good (in fact better) than her .

Did you talk about this in counselling?

I do hope your h is being very understanding - and dont be 'pushed' into doing anything you are not comfortable too soon.

Sometimes when we are having a bit of a lull i have just 'done it' and actually remembered that i like it .

How about trying something different - try acting and see if that helps.

Good luck at this hard time for you - take care of yourself.

When we got back together after H's affair we slept with each other straight away.

I guess I forced myself to do it in a way. Because I needed that closeness with him and needed to perhaps prove to him that I was better than her.

With hindsight I'm not sure it was the right thing to do. The sex was great but I know in the back of my mind afterwards I wondered if he was comparing me with her. Or what things she did that he liked that I wasn't doing.

It's awful. Those feelings and thoughts eat you up.

All you can do is wait until you feel the time is right.

I wasn't really getting the reassurance I needed in return from my H. Which I now know is because he still hadn't given the OW up.

But I think if he is saying and doing all the right things, and making you truly believe he is there because he wants to be, and making you understand how special you are, then soon enough the time will feel right.

I always find a few glasses of wine helps too

I'm sure once you get over that initial hurdle of the the first time after finding out, you will just get closer and closer.
And I do think it is something you need to do to get that closeness back on all levels.

But like I say. When you're totally ready.

Good luck

Am I really the only one who's found this so difficult then.

I very much doubt you are!

I think it sounds perfectly normal.

Bump for you.

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