At what point do I get out?

[Calmandfree]

I'll summarise the situation as the bits in between are long stretched. I need to get out of this marriage ideally, but asking advice as to what point do I try to break free, or is no time the right time?

• DH 55 yo. Myself 49 yo.
• 1 x child DD age 13
• Met, married and had DD within 18 months of meeting so all very quick. He was very affectionate etc. within 18 months after having DD he changed. I cannot elaborate much as too outing on his behaviour traits.
• I'm ashamed to say we have not had sex since DD was a toddler. I believe fell out of love when I felt poorly treated by him.
• Things recently have come to a head and everyday he shows some sort of behaviour i dislike (an example, being unecessarily unkind about someone).
• We have a home together and joint mortgage. Some savings and save also for DD. We both have employment pensions.

Question is monetary wise will I be worse off separating now or when DD is older?

• Yes I have tolerated this a long time and appreciate couples should not stay together for the sake of their children but I am guilty here. I have no family who can support me or financially and I earn (I work FT, not a great deal as a nurse).

I would seek legal advice and to think about separation sooner rather than later. Your child likely knows relations are not
good between you and dad and it has been like this for some considerable time so it’s no
point in prolonging the agony. She is not going to say “thanks mum “ to you for staying with him.

What do you want to teach your daughter about relationships and what is she learning here?

Would you ever advise your daughter to be in a marriage like yours, no and you would want better for her. You also deserve better so stop tolerating a poor example of a marriage .

Money isn't everything and lots of people manage fine as single parents on one income.

As attila says, in staying you are teaching your daughter this is what normal relationships look like.

But also, you only have one life.
Peace in your own home is worth more than extra stuff you don't need. Same thing goes for your daughter.

It depends. How have you coped all these years and what has made you decide to do something about leaving now not at other times?
If you have any mental health issues or disabilities, I can see why you wouldn’t want to leave as a lower income will put you in a worse situation.
you could maybe stay but look for ways to enjoy your life without him and find someone else when you’re ready

I'm now at a stage in my life where DD is getting older and yes I have stayed for the family unit. I have coped as I have a lots of good friends in various social circles and I see them regularly, for dinner, coffee, outings and they're all very supportive. By going out socialising this has helped and my DD is now at an age where she sees her friends a lot of the time. I was also studying when she was younger so that kept me busy.

I don't have any MH issues or disabilities but earn a low income so I have also stayed for the financial aspect.

The sooner you split the better financially. I’m assuming DD will live with you?