Difficult marriage

[Anonymoususer11]

I have been thinking for a while now to leave my marriage. Husband is verbally abusive, though not physically violent towards me. He is a difficult person to be around. Things could be settled for a while but there is always something that will set him off. Amongst other behaviours, I’m finding this so difficult but don’t know where to start. I moved away from my home town to live with him a few years ago and I am currently working part time. We have a 1 year old. To those of you who may have been in a similar situations, what are your thoughts? No judgments please.

Hey there , sorry you are having a rough time . How long have you been together and have they always been like this or did it get worse after marriage ? What are they like with your child ? Have you noticed a pattern in when he gets abusive ? I was not married but had a partner like this many years back but sounds a bit similar . Sorry for all the questions and sorry you are going through this . Have you got any close friends nearby and how far away are your family . ? Are they aware of your issues or noticed the behaviour themselves ? Xxx sending hugs

I was is exactly the same situation OP. The behaviours I dealt with were contempt, belittling and drunkenness. My ex started pressurising to give him large sums of money from my house deposit.

I took my ds and left. Because my ds was 2 when we left, and because ex had refused to be a hands on dad, ds didn't actually notice he wasn't there any more.

We moved to a small flat, I found a new job and I rebuilt slowly from there. The process was good for restoring my confidence.

Good luck.

EmmaWRen2013

Thanks for your reply.
We’ve been together around 4 years but things got bad when I got pregnant, up until that point there were signs but nothing that I thought couldn’t be fixed. There is no obvious pattern which is why it feels like I’m walking on eggshells.

Meadowfinch

Good for you, it takes strength to start over.
Thanks for sharing your experience and good luck to you too.

It's very common for abuse to start or ramp up during pregnancy.

You need to leave him - for your safety.

Can you move back to your home town? Is there anyone you can stay with until you get sorted?

Yes , as said by above posters - abuse often does start during pregnancy . I have just read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven - it is part of the freedom programme for men and women who are with abusive partners , you may or may not be familiar , and there are four categories of abuser . It's textbook . I was so glad I got out of an abusive relationship 18 years ago almost ( didn't even realise at the time it was as abusive as it was )and have had nice partners since but boy it made me think . If you are familiar I apologise but it's worth a read just so you know you aren't alone and gives you insight on their mindset and how you can protect yourself . Can you move back home as another poster suggested ? Really feel for you but there's always an escape route xxx

I was going to ask you how long you had been together before you got married ? Forgive me for asking but was he 💯 percent committed to having a child as well ? I am just trying to build a picture of the situation . Not saying for one second he wasn't but was he supportive or did he just want you all to himself ?