I already know I take much longer to process things than others, but getting through a breakup that happened almost a year ago from a relatively short lived relationship has taken too long. They raped me, it took me a while to accept that it was rape. They were keeping other women on the sidelines so they could always have someone which is why I broke up with them. I know I made the best choice for me. Rape crisis explained to me that the waiting list would be over a year long, I declined as I honestly didn’t think I would be thinking about it after a year and didn’t want to be reminded about it if I was doing better then (I’m not). I don’t try to contact my ex directly or find them on social media, and they live in another place. We have a mutual friend though and I have made up a boyfriend who doesn’t actually exist to make my ex jealous and prove that another man treats me well and a lot better than he did, I even take photos of the gifts I have bought myself and say they are from him. I like to pretend that he is angry and bothered and will come and try and win me back when in reality he probably doesn’t care. When I’m out I look for him around every corner and think of him turning up in the places we would meet or go or trying to find me. He appears in my dreams/nightmares. In my imagination and in my creative writing, I create scenarios involving my ex. I am still emotionally involved with a version/idea of him that I’ve created in my head and I can’t enjoy any potential relationship with anyone because I feel as if I am being unfaithful to my ex. We had a very bad breakup, with nasty things said on both sides. But if I’m tired or feeling down my mind wanders to them and the times that they made me feel good. Is that normal?