Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He’s cheating isn’t he

34 replies

Melodymxxx · 06/06/2024 23:38

i have been with my partner for over a year, things were good until 3 weeks ago when he just started getting short/snappy out of nowhere. We had a big argument as he kept just finding the smallest things to moan about (which he hasn’t done until now) and we didn’t see each other for around a week. He went out on Friday with his friends after telling me he wasn’t sure about us anymore so I left him to it, he seemed very adamant that he didn’t actually want to be with me anymore. The next day he called me and apologised, said he was sorry and loves me. This was 3 weeks ago and since then he’s been nothing but nice… but what’s making me paranoid is a couple of things, the first being that when we first got into a relationship we both did std tests and was both clear, I made sure we did this. He still had a test at his house, in his drawer and hasn’t been touched in all of that time. Within in the last three weeks it’s gone. We haven’t slept together either since we had the argument which is quite unusual. He has actually made excuses as to why he can’t have sex even though I’ve expressed some frustration. He has also booked us a holiday to the place he knows I’ve always wanted to go. I can’t shake the feeling he’s done something but do I confront him?

OP posts:
Melodymxxx · 06/06/2024 23:40

Also one of his excuses to why we haven’t been intimate is because he has a spot on his.. thing and it’s irritating him? I don’t know if I’m reading into this too much

OP posts:
Pixiesgirl · 06/06/2024 23:48

Possibly, do not get within 6 feet of his spotty cock, I imagine the last thing you would want is genital herpes <shudder>

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/06/2024 23:53

He has definitely cheated. Set him free and count yourself lucky you are well rid of him.

Seeleyboo · 06/06/2024 23:59

Sounds like he created the drama to dump you to mess around guilt free. Sobered up and wants back in. Get rid.

Pinkbonbon · 07/06/2024 00:16

Sounds like he cheated then engeneered the argument so he could split with you because he knew he'd caught herpes and needed time to recover.

Get yourself tested.
And get rid of him. He's a bullshit merchant.

Opentooffers · 07/06/2024 01:23

Saving grace, he's trying to avoid exposing you to a potential sti.

Albertmums · 07/06/2024 01:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

novocaine4thesoul · 07/06/2024 01:51

Looking at what you have posted, unless he has been having a massive tidy-up, he has slept with someone else and used the test and is waiting for the results. He might massively regret it, realised he had it good etc. and be on the charm offensive to get you back, but, and it is just my opinion, but I think, for you, the ship should have sailed. He will do it again, and again. I also agree with @Opentooffers that even if he is not a good man for his indiscretions, he has at least saved you from the dangers posed by him sleeping with someone else. I'd move on. Leave him with holiday cancellation plans, that is the "price" of sleeping around, unfortunately.

novocaine4thesoul · 07/06/2024 02:16

OOF @Albertmums that is a really big sledgehammer to crack a small nut in this case (and it isn't really relevant as the damage / doubt has been done) My whatsapps, texts and emails and calls are so normal and boring that I cannot believe my OH would be interested in employing a hacker to check out whether I was cheating. But if he had, and I hadn't, I would be filing for divorce. There is something deeply wrong with "after a month of monitoring her" and "I am yet to tell her why we went on a vacation". If your wife posts on here saying something like "husband has only agreed to go on holiday after finding intrusive proof that I am not unfaithful" I would be advising her to LTB, really.

SpringerFall · 07/06/2024 02:26

Well unless you confront him we on here would not know if he has or not

SeatonCarew · 07/06/2024 02:37

@novocaine4thesoul advertising spam, reported.

heartbroken22 · 07/06/2024 03:02

@novocaine4thesoul that post by Albert mums is fake trying to get users to send money.

novocaine4thesoul · 07/06/2024 03:22

@SeatonCarew and @heartbroken22 thanks, I did think it was a bit of an odd post

KomodoOhno · 07/06/2024 06:49

Pixiesgirl · 06/06/2024 23:48

Possibly, do not get within 6 feet of his spotty cock, I imagine the last thing you would want is genital herpes <shudder>

A spot. Really. Run a mile and fast. You can go to this holiday spot on your own in the future. He mist definitely has an std. Choose you.

Epidote · 07/06/2024 07:19

Even if he hasn't cheated his hot and cool crap is motive enough for you to ended if you want. It is been only a year and the prospect for the future with someone who behaves like that doesn't sound great.
I think he is hiding something in any case.

SheepAndSword · 07/06/2024 07:27

Just don't go anywhere near his penis

yogibear31 · 07/06/2024 07:31

If he has to consider if he wants to be with you he doesn't want to be with you.
If he did and he loved you he wouldn't let you go.
Also if he's in doubt about things after a year when it's supposed to be the honeymoon period then he's clearly not happy and things will get worse.
Time to get out of this before he hurts you more.

Melodymxxx · 07/06/2024 08:31

The ‘breakup’ only lasted a night, so I am now thinking he definitely did that to feel less guilty

OP posts:
Dotty87 · 07/06/2024 08:46

Definitely. If you ever found out he'd have the perfect excuse, I'd be making it a permanent break.

mycatisanarcissist · 07/06/2024 08:49

It could be that he has cheated.

Since you don't know for sure, I'd be more worried about the hot and cold behaviour, as another poster said. If a man said they weren't sure about me/us, I'd say, fine, see ya. Block and delete. A man who loves you is never going to have that conversation with you and he's doing you a favour because he's letting you know he doesn't really love you.

LeaveTheClocksAlone · 07/06/2024 08:55

Well, at least he's not wanting to pass anything on I suppose

lincsherts · 07/06/2024 08:56

Putting everything together, I would say that he's definitely cheated. It isn't just one thing. There are six separate indications that he's cheated. It is the being snappy with you, engineering an argument with you, telling you he didn't want to see you then immediately backtracking, the disappearance of the STD kit, the excuse about why he cannot have sex with you, the being nice to you and the booking of the trip.
It could be that someone had turned his head, he had sex with her, then realised she wasn't what he wanted. That would explain the sudden U turn he made.

SherrieElmer · 07/06/2024 09:03

Yes. He has cheated. Dump him.

Getonwitit · 07/06/2024 09:58

Personally i wouldn't trust him but i would enjoy the holiday then dump him.

StrawberryWater · 07/06/2024 10:09

Spots on peens usually indicate an STI

Dirty man.

Get rid of him.