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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Frustrated

16 replies

poppyd76 · 06/06/2024 21:08

Been with hubby 8 years been married a year and a half. What can I do, I work full time my husband works full time too, he gets home a hour earlier than me , as soon as I walk in the door he asks for his dinner, once I've cooked it and he's eaten it he goes a bed this is about 6pm, this is every night during the week, weekends he gets up about 8 then gets fed up with what Evers going on then goes bed about lunchtime , that's his life. I try talk to him about it , he says I am moaning too much. I try to get him out and about even a walk but he won't, it's bringing me down.
My family tell me to get out and about and don't waiting sitting in front room till he gets up ! But it's hard, he's been short tempered too recently put fist through bedroom door in a temper about too much junk in a cupboard in the living room ! That was it ! I tried talking to him about what's wrong etc etc I've been very patient with him, definitely when he calls me names etc. some days it's fine then suddenly he changes with moods, he's late 40s.
Any advice pls I presume he has depression but if he has, he has got no interest in getting help!

OP posts:
Unrealnotunrealistic · 06/06/2024 21:15

Oh @poppyd76 , this behaviour is appalling, you are not a servant. He won’t even discuss this with you. Glad you recognize this isn’t right.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/06/2024 21:16

You really have to leave him. A man who punches doors will end up punching you. He’s doing that to scare you. Stop being patient. You’re living a half life with a bully. Please get out.

Bittenonce · 07/06/2024 11:05

Get out.
There's nothing positive for you here.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 07/06/2024 11:07

You know the advice already.

Do it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/06/2024 11:17

How can you be helped into leaving this man?. This is who he really is.

He’s not depressed, he’s abusive and you are in an abusive relationship. Punching holes through doors is describing domestic violence within the home. Calling you names is emotional abuse. Plan your exit from this with due care and attention, your safety here is of paramount importance. Do also consider contacting Women’s Aid for additional support and advice too.

Beautifulbythebay · 07/06/2024 11:18

Ltb or embrace your slave status...

Thelnebriati · 07/06/2024 11:21

He's abusive, you don't have to live like this.
Put a plan in place to leave him safely - have somewhere to go, get your documents and personal belongings out of the house, and leave before you tell him.

Epidote · 07/06/2024 11:41

He may have depression, I don't know. What I know is calling names is appalling behavior and that he is a full grown up that can do chores and cook.
I would speak with him, if he feels he is entitled to treat you like that I would re evaluate the relationship.

poppyd76 · 07/06/2024 21:18

It's hard because some days it's good and I think he's happy ....then some days I can see him boiling up and then I think here we go again.
I have told him don't talk to me like that, don't call me that, or he needs to calm down etc then he says to me , don't come home with the hump or I got to change my attitude turns it around to my fault!
I have mentioned going to doctors about anti depressants as he was on them years ago but took himself off them. But he says not interested and that I should go on them !
My heads all over the place don't know if I am coming or going or what mood he be in when home from work or when he wakes up.

OP posts:
Printspped · 07/06/2024 21:24

Just leave him. You can only control your own actions, not those of someone else.

GreatTheCat · 07/06/2024 21:26

Leave him. What else do you want us to say?

StrawberryWater · 07/06/2024 21:37

poppyd76 · 07/06/2024 21:18

It's hard because some days it's good and I think he's happy ....then some days I can see him boiling up and then I think here we go again.
I have told him don't talk to me like that, don't call me that, or he needs to calm down etc then he says to me , don't come home with the hump or I got to change my attitude turns it around to my fault!
I have mentioned going to doctors about anti depressants as he was on them years ago but took himself off them. But he says not interested and that I should go on them !
My heads all over the place don't know if I am coming or going or what mood he be in when home from work or when he wakes up.

When it's good it's really good and when it's bad it's horrible.

No. It's 100% crap and it's still 100% awful because you're walking on eggshells all the time.

The next time he leaves for work just pack a bag of important things and go. Just leave. You do not deserve this. If you joint own the property you can sort it out later on in the divorce.

poppyd76 · 09/06/2024 19:59

Thank you for your advise!

I will start putting what money I have away, it will take some time though . We are council tenants so I got no money from house etc to go with or get from. unfortunately no family to speak off. So we I'll be walking with nothing so I need to plan where to go etc etc had long think this weekend where I want to be in my life and it's not here !

OP posts:
whichmag · 11/07/2024 10:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DaisyChainsandSunnyDays · 11/07/2024 10:51

Could you speak to your council and declare yourself homeless?

CantDecideAUsename · 11/07/2024 12:20

Has he been like this for some time or is it a recent change in behaviour? If he’s always had a temper and calls you names then that’s who he is. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life miserable then you need to make plans to leave. Sleeping a lot can be a sign of depression but if he’s also just a generally shitty person then it’s probably not worth the time or energy trying to get him to do something about it.

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