am a reg but have name changed btw (sil knows log on), but know all about judge flounce(W&R), soapy/laplans xmas santa. david cameron a few weeks back and of course the GF episode.
anyhow the jist of it is, my first boyfriend & relationship was abusive - man still intimidates & makes me feel scared (just hearing his name) second one, I fell PG and had a termination - was then told I had 'killed his child' needless to say we split up after that comment. took 6 years after and a lot of water for us to talk about it and in general to each other again. next relationship was with XH. We met very young, and he's always been a dominant type, (wouldn't leave me alone till I agreed a date with him type thing) was emotionally, and verbally abusive anyhow, we were together for 8 years (married for 4.5 thou). We split up as apparently he didn't love me anymore as a wife - have since found out that he's actually been involved with at least one, and strong possibility of 2 other women whilst with me but at the end of the relationship. I hate my XH in more ways that I know is possible, there's real hurt and rage there.
anyhow, I have recently met a new man, who is the total opposite to XH, he's very gentle & loving, completely honest with me, (something H never was) we do have a good laugh. I look at him and think WOW why the hell are you with me - (but then again he's said he felt that from the first time he saw me) - and he's not the sort of man to say it just to get what he wants. He buys me little gifts & does stupid little things to show he cares/is thinking of me like ring me up when the song he said reminds him of me is on the radio!(not all perfect thou as some of his habits are quite ahem well he's a typical man and can be a bit loutish with his farting! lol). Anyhow, he's quite contents to see me but not do anything - as in just cuddle and watch some telly, or chat and cuddle, He's a very tactile person which I like about him, but the thing is, i'm worried i'll screw it up - I always do one way or another, XH was the only person I let in properly & who knew the whole me. I seem to let them get so close then completely push them away, I know I do it, (did it with XH but if you excuse the term he pushed back! lol).
Was talking to the man last night (he gets insecure about me cheating on him - which i'd never do, and tbh it's annoying me he keeps saying about it - have told him that as well, and said back off about it) I said about coming to a family party but added, if we're still getting on etc and he said stop it now you're annoying me keep saying that.
I'm very horomonal at the mo, (af due end of the week). and prob over analytical & should go with the flow, but i'm weary now about things and getting too deeply involved (but I think it might be too late as tbh i've never had that 'wow' factor with anyone else. & find it hard to believe the compliments he pays me thou, & am worried that it will go the same as they did with XH (towards the end we were just existing together one of us on the pc the other watching telly and not talking)
HELP!!!!