OLD - should I cut this off?

[pink017]

Recently started OLD after my last relationship ending late last year. I’ve been speaking to a man for a couple of weeks, including on the phone, and we got on well. He was in the midst of changing jobs, but asked me on a date for the week following his new job starting (to give him time to focus on settling in).

We didn’t set an exact date, but it’s now the week after his new job and he hasn’t contacted me at all or checked in - but I have him on social media and he has been active on there, so it isn’t the case that he is so rushed off his feet with work that he hasn’t had chance to speak to me.

My first impressions were that he is a decent man and I wanted to see how things went in person - but the total lack of communication this week has put me off a bit. I’ve had my time wasted by shitty inconsistent men a couple of times in the past so I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive about it? Or if it’s a sign that he will just be half arsed in the future?

I suppose I’m wondering if it’s just a waste or time if he seems so disinterested before we have even met up. Or am I being OTT and overthinking it? Advice welcome please!

My experience of online dating was when i was asking "is this a red flag?" The fact i was asking invariably meant yes it was...

delete, block and move on

Yeah this is how I’m feeling! OLD is just such a minefield and it’s tiring to have these ‘talking stages’ which go nowhere.

I feel totally neutral about this (I did a lot of OLD).

You hadn't met and he's had a big life event. I don't think there's anything to read into it.

Although it doesn't scream enthusiasm I don't think that means much pre- meeting, it's how it goes in person.

I don't see any harm in you asking him how the job is going and would he still like that drink with no expectations. If he doesn't reply, says no or flakes, no harm, but the week might just have run away with him.

I'd assume he's forgotten about you.

Doesn't mean he's an arsehole btw. Just his life is full on right now and he's in the wrong place to focus on dating.

Don't hang around waiting for him. If he gets in touch at a later date, great (or not). But in the meantime, you've been out living your life (I hope), which is as it should be.

Honestly, it won't be what you want to hear but, if he really liked you he would sort that date out ASAP. Sounds like he wasn't that invested and he's used the new job as an excuse to delay meeting you in the first place. If I met a guy I genuinely liked, I wouldn't use a new job as an excuse to put off meeting! Into the bin.

Yeah, this is what my gut is telling me. Eg he has been watching my instagram stories every single day, but hasn’t bothered messaging about the date he suggested. I didn’t l want to be hasty and delete his number etc but I know men so often hang around in a half arsed way and waste time if you don’t draw a line.

Into the skip

I don't see why settling in a new job prevents him dating outside of work just as he would of done, if a woman he wanted to date enough, he would be keen and find the time, at very least he'd still be messaging you because he wouldn't want you to get away and date someone better.

Yup this is how I feel. Not really great energy when it should feel fun/exciting imo

I never chase them. If they can’t make the effort that’s not good enough in my eyes. They are probably messaging a few others also.

Move on. And don’t waste so much time chatting. If they sound ok and you like them, arrange a date asap.

How long since you heard from him? If it’s more than 2/3 days I’d presume he’s ghosted and delete.
No one too busy to send a text saying ‘hi how are you’

He suggested the date 5 days into us speaking, and it’s only been this week it hasn’t materialised

Since Sunday :/

I agree, I suppose I just wanted confirmation that I wasn’t overreacting to delete him, since we haven’t actually met yet