I'm gutted - he's seeing someone else.......

[emzzzzz]

Hi,
I haven't posted for a while - been having a few problems.

I found out yesterday that my husband is seeing somebody else.
I read some texts on his phone, and when I confronted him he admitted he's been seeing her for 2 months, I can't believe it.

He moved out last week anyway, and now I know why!!

Bastard - that's all I can say.
He even told the kids that he didn't love me anymore, and he had a new girlfriend!

Poor things are devastated - why????

Im in such a state, I don't know what to do

Oh you poor thing

I don't know if there is anything you can do other than try to get some sleep and remind yourself that you are better of without him. Easy for me to say know. I know it is devastating.

As long as you reassure the children that you love them, I think they will be ok.

It is very hard when a relationship ends. Do you have any support in RL? Make sure you look after yourself.

Easy for me to say, though

Hi Underrated,
Well I haven't got any family, but i've got some really good friends.
I'm still in shock I think, we've been together for 15 years.
He was my first boyfriend

Friends are good. Very good. I'm glad you have people around.

My 10 yr relationship ended a couple of yrs ago, so I know how horrible it is.

sorry but he is a fucking shit head for saying that to the kids, the first things that you need totart focusing on is yourself and your wonderful kids....If cant be mature enough to have sakids down with you nad tried to make it easy as possible then he deserves nothi but a kick in the bollocks.
did you get the OW number ? im sure it wouldnt hurt to let her know what kind of man he is.

I didn't get chance to read all the texts, or get her number.
If i'd had my brain in gear I would have taken his phone upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom!!
But I was so bloody shocked I could hardly breathe.
It took me 3 hours to calm the kids down last night - poor little mites.
I don't think he knows what he's done to them they are distraught

well he is the one that will have to answer to them when they get older, you will have nothing to be ashamed of and they will eventually know what a grade A nob jockey he really is x i know that you're hurting and there are no words that can fully sum up the pain, but it will subside, you will be a stronger woman and mother for it x

Thanks Fawkeoff, I appreciate your kind words xxxxxx

Sounds like you are better off without him anyway, the hurt will subside eventually, not that that's any consolation now!

I know it may be hard, but try not to show too much anger and upsetness towesrds him in front of your kids, the calmer and more in control you are around them the better it will all be for them. How old are they?

Don't waste your energy in feeling angry, or in getting back at him or contacting the OW, anger mostly just hurts the person feeling it. Instead fcus on being the bigger stronger person. Sorry, Iknow that's easier said then done right now, he is a bastard, you are better off without him anyway!

If he already moved out last week was the relationship over before you found out? I guess that at least is some consolaion, even if not much

Grrr...why are people so cruel? What did he hope to achieve by telling the children that - to undermine you and teach them that love is fickle?!

Right now you are all in the eye of the storm, so to speak, so try to invest all that anger and upset into reassuring your children with your (and your DH) unconditional love for them.

Work out how you deal with him , and your future when the dust settles a bit, and look after yourself.

Do take care of yourself - it is hard but do remember you are better than all this and will be able to live with yourself .

Dont lower yourself to his level - talk to the children whenever they need to and if he is still in contact let them ask him questions. I would however doubt his ability at the moment to have them alone (who knows what damage he may do to them with his words?).

Thinking of you at this awful time - i have been there and know it is a long journey you are now on. Get all the help you can from friends and keep as busy as you can.

Take care

I'm so sorry emzzzz, very cruel and nasty of him

try to take care of yourself and your lo's, have you much support outwith your family?

Emzzzzz - I'm going to give you a bit of advice here.

Go and enrol in a fun part-time course (reflexology, beauty therapy etc). Take up a yoga class and an outdoor activity such as kyaking. Clear out the house and give him all his stuff to take away. Get a sexy hair cut and get a makeup makeover at the cosmetics counter etc

Make him have the kids every second weekend and at least one weeknight a week. Nothing will kill his new relationship like the reality of stepchildren. Don't be nasty to the new girlfriend, act positively grateful that she has taken him off your hands.

Pretend to your ex that you are dating several men. Join a salsa class or a cooking/wine tasting course so you'll have some male friends to name drop.

It'll drive him nuts when everyone tells him how fabulous you look and he sees how much fun you are having without him. His girlfriend will start to doubt how much of a catch he really is if his ex-wife is so happy and seemingly better off without him.

This is probably not the most mature approach in the world but it beats being stuck at home with upset kids whilst he's out enjoying being single with his sl*t.

Agree with Musicgirl (good advice).

Having something that you can get really involved in can help to take your mind off things.

I have thrown myself into keep fit/running etc and I haven't been so fit for years. It does your confidence the world of good .

Let your h know you can be a confident happy person without him.

Be strong x

I totally agree with musicgirl. Maybe if your kids also see you happy and getting on with it it will ease it for them too. I also think that if in the future you got back together you will be a more confident and independent person for it and that can only be a bonus. He wouldn't do it again.